Have Americans from Illinois been selling your baby dangerous, sugary drinks? A report from the Peoria Peksi Unlimited Group (PPUG) indicates that this may well be the case.
‘Parents are more cautious than ever, and yet the results of the January 18th [Giving Candy To A Baby Survey 8893] clearly show that the strangers, men in most cases, are making contact with the babies and getting them highly sugared, caffeinated beverages,’ reads the PPUG report.
‘I was shocked to read the results,’ said Fanny Fannta, a local mother. ‘I consider myself a careful parent, but the reality is that my baby may have been exposed, if not to the sugary drinks themselves, to other babies who consume such substances.’
The men sell babies unhealthy, dangerous drinks at the shopping mall, in restaurants, at the park, at taco stands, inside of workplaces, and even stock dispensers full of potentially deadly pops outside the very school where baby goes for schoolin.
‘We need to find these men, and when we catch them,’ said Barry Mewith Coke, a local father, ‘they are gonna wish they ever been born!’
Please keep your children close — and your soda pop closer.
Cover image generated on Magic Studio
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No. 59
Cartoons by Laurie Rosenwald
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