THERE HE IS AGAIN WITH HIS JUMP ROPE
Every recess you can spot Little David ‘Indiana Jones’ Greener around a corner with his jump rope, waiting for Sandy or Molly or Jennifer to run past so he can rope their ankles with his ‘whip’, then run away whooping. You see, to Little David Greener these innocent-looking girls are members of the National Socialist Party of late 1936, who must be stopped in their nefarious quest to harness the atomic powers of the long-lost Ark of the Covenant to conquer the world.
Little David Greener told The Gorko, ‘If they unlock the secret power of the Ark, then no one can stop these nazis, there will be jackboots marching down Pennsylvania Avenue, there will be Luftwafte heavy bombers flying in formation over the Pentagon, civilization as we know it will be KAPUT.’
He said grimly, ‘No more fruit snacks, just boiled cabbage and potatoes every single day.’
Little David Greener himself sports the most striking Hitler Youth haircut we have seen in the entire Peoria school district: light brown floppy top with buzzed back and sides, and appears to walk everywhere in goosestep. Not very American, Professor Jones!
‘HE is the nazi,’ reported a bloody-kneed Jennifer Kowalson from the school infirmary. ‘He is always out there with his jump rope, marching around like a maniac!’
Shortly after we spoke to him, Little David Greener had his whip confiscated by ‘the lead blackshirt herself’, third-grade teacher Mrs. Wagner, and given a time-out on the bleachers, where he appeared to be furiously making invisible improvised ‘Molotov cocktails to blast myself out of this dungeon. The nazis have found the Ark, and are taking it to their secret island base to unleash its terrible powers!’
These third grade girls must be stopped at any cost.
Image generated on Magic Studi
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