little david greener is currently serving back-to-back sentences IN HIS BEDROOM
According to local child snoop and Gorko informant Nadira of The Nadira Nose (TNN), who happened to be present at the fracas that unraveled before her terrified eyes earlier this week at the Greener residence on Wabash Drive, Peoria, she simply could not believe that what she saw was actually happening in real life. ‘I was there on the ground, witnessing this incredibly historic event. I had the angle. The story was mine.’
‘After being told two times by adults in the room that he could only have one cookie,’ wrote Nadira in the May 12th edition of TNN, ‘little puny carrot-top David Greener reached out his hand to where the cookies lay in a dish on the coffee table, and snatched one up.’
LITTLE DAVID GREENER AWOKE THE WRATH OF THE TITANS
Announcing glibly to the room that he might just have TWO cookies, Little David Greener snagged himself his second creme-stuffed vanilla sandwich cookies of the afternoon, and stuck his tongue out at the hovering, badly startled titans, Aunt Molly and Grandma.
‘His gambit to have himself a second pastry was summarily squilched,’ reports TGG in the same article, ‘as little David was hauled backward by the seat of the pants, arm already in motion toward his mouth roughly seized at the wrist, and the much-anticipated dessert taken, after a struggle, from his clutching fingers.’
It was, continues the article, not an easily-won victory for the titans in the room. Little David Greener put up a terrific fight, scratching, clawing, and biting every inch of the way, bellowing ‘like a cow in a tornado’ [sic].
The sandwich cookie was sadly crumbled to bits in David’s small damp fist and rendered inedible in the scuffle.
PEORIA POLICE WERE NOTIFIED BY AN ANONYMOUS INFORMER, CALLING FROM A HALLWAY TELEPHONE
Grandma Greener received a text message from the Peoria Police Department at 1:43 the same afternoon. It read: LDG called to inform us that there is a boy being held hostage in the Greener residence. When asked to describe the boy, LDG described himself, except slightly taller and more muscular. LOL or should we be worried.
Last we were informed, Little David Greener was serving two back-to-back ‘lifetime sentences’ in his bedroom, where he had been confined to his bed without access to food, water, or video games. He had been conceded the choice of one book, and his situation was scheduled to be reassessed in court at 4 pm.
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