TROUBLE IN PARADISE? RUMORS ABOUND OF AN IMPENDING SPLIT BETWEEN NEWLYWEDS LITTLE DAVID GREENER AND PATTY KNUDSEN, THIRD GRADERS
There appear to be dark thunderclouds on the horizon for Peoria’s Little David Greener and his newly wedded wife, Patty Knudsen. David was seen throwing mud at Patty at noon recess yesterday, according to several witnesses who asked to remain anonymous, apparently because Patty had refused to speak to him since snacktime at 10am.
The two were ‘married’ in a not legally binding ceremony under the bleachers this Friday past. Little carrot-top Jimmy served as Best Man for Master Greener, while Betsy Sufflecake was Maid of Honor for Miss Knudsen. They enchanged ‘rings’ and ‘kissed.’
‘The editorial staff at The Nadira’s Nose had taken bets upon how many hours the happy couple would remain wed,’ reported TNN‘s editor-in-chief Nadira. ‘Of course the bet became too complicated almost immediately,’ she laughed, ‘since defining the annulment aka divorce was bound to be tricky if not impossible. I mean, would it be the first time one of them vocally called the whole thing off? Or took off their ‘ring’? Or would they have to go before the ‘judge’ or ‘priest’?’
According to passers-by from a different primary school, little Patty Knudsen had removed her ‘ring’ and tossed it in the aforementioned mud at precisely 10:18 am on the fateful day in question, yesterday. Little David Greener insisted that Patty had thrown the fit for no reason, and had borne to light the dispute of her own evil little heart.
‘I want a divorce,’ he wailed.
Patty retorted, ‘What about the children!’
The dazed and slightly mud-splattered ‘husband’ told The Gorko that he ‘never done nuthin.’
It may indeed be the old chicken or the egg once again, ladies and gentlemen. Did Patty Knudsen truly bring woe and blight to the playground and the heart of David Greener without undue provocation, or had Little David Greener indeed in some way riled up Patty’s famous temper, and paid the due price?
The Gorko will continue to bring you updates as this alarming situation unfolds.
‘He just, he just went and called her ugly for no reason I could see. He is a mean, mean little boy.’ -Maid of Honor Betsy Sufflecake
‘I was standing there the whole time and David Greener dun do nuthin. He’s my best friend.’ -Best Friend of David, Jimmy
Image generated on DreamStudio
Leave a Reply