An alarming new study published by the Elementary My Dear Watson Society of Illinois (EMDWI) appears to show…nothing! Absolutely no trace of the Federated States of Micronesia, the west Pacific country of affiliated islands that used to be there, the last time we checked on a map. Has a large tsunami overwhelmed the federation of low-lying coral atolls, or perhaps a secret US Navy experiment, or a large green metaphor for atomic proliferation encased in the scaly hurly-burly body of a hundred-storey, lava-guzzling amphibian?
No, reported Dr. Lois Lain of EMDWI, ‘it is just that Google Maps was down for about 10 minutes and we misplaced our magnifying glass.’
Magnifying glasses are of course essential for research into countries whose international denomination is micro. Stemming from the Greek work mikros (we think this means small but the font on our English-to-Greek dictionary is too small for us to be sure), the prefix Micro- when attached to a country automatically means it is too small to be seen on a map without a magnifying glass.
Doh!
Don’t worry, Canada, Microsaskatchewan became regular old Saskatchewan, a regular-sized province, in September of 1905, as everyone knows. We see you, O Saskatchewan!
For the rest of you, however, if you have indeed been designated micro, and overlooked somehow in cursory internet searches, please consider calling the EMDWI hotline (555-1284) and reporting how small and insignificant international researchers, engineers, and naval authorities seem to consider you to be. Because even when those sob’s overlook you, The Gorko and Peoria science nerds got your back, guaranteed.
LENSES UP — MICRONESIA!
Cover image generated on Magic Studio
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