The Gorko Gazette

In case you wondered how people would sound if they somehow got stuck in the 18th century, as have some of the more insular communities in our very own country, such as the extended Andersen family with their candles, barn raisings, and mule races, look no further than your typical British person talking about takeaway coffee, buggies, or the boot of a lorry, and ye shall be transported back magically hundreds of years through time! Below you will find 10 of The Gorko’s personal ‘favourites’!

10. fanny

What in American slang is simply a term for rear end, or in some cases the proper name of an extremely withered aunt, in British parlance means something far more sinister: fanny is a metaphysical terms used to refer to a floor fan that, through prolonged exposure, causes its owner severe delusionary panic, or even complete psychic breaks. Do not even whisper fanny on the other side of the Pond, or fanny may come for YOU.

9. loo

A nursery-rhyme-sounding nonsense word to the average American, loo is in fact the British term for French fry. ‘Right-ho, Jeeves, I’ll be in the old loo’ could be translated, ‘Okie-dokie, majordomo babysitter, you’ll be able to find me in the antique chip shop’.

8. torch

While in your standard bar in Peoria a torch is a stick with an open, lit end that you use to keep the rabble out, in your typical neighborhood British pub a torch is a flaming shot, some such hot toddy as a Flamin Guy Fawke or a Bill Shakes Flambé.

7. bonnet

Even if you reside in the Andersen household and are accustomed to cover your beautiful golden curls with a covering called a bonnet (hi Sarah do you still read The Gorko), which has strings you can tie under your lovely chin to keep it from flying away across the January corn stubble, if you ever find yourself in London you might be surprised when people die laughing every time you talk about your bonnet, since bonnet in Merry England is a diaper. Those crazy Americans, with their French fries and head diapers.

6. harbour

This I shit you not is a harbor.

5. chuffed

British street-level slang that can mean either thrilled or definitely not thrilled, depending on whether you own the casino.

4. take the piss

This is when you have to plunge a toilet at the club, mate.

3. shag

Similar to muff, an old-fashioned hand-warmer, like a scarf for the hands. Do not be surprised if you hear people compliment each other’s shags on the Tube: ‘One hell of a shag, mate,’ or ‘Great little shag wunt she.’

2. knackered

The Gorko’s second-‘favourite’ British slang expression is knackered, which is Leicestershire onomatapoeia for getting intentionally beamed in the forehead with a flat wooden plank by a sotted mucker.

1. jumper

Our most-loved British expression is in fact not a person who is about to commit suicide by jumping from a bridge or building ledge, but a kangaroo. ‘Let’s go see the jumpers behind the Snake House,’ would be an exclamation Sarah Andersen might hear and misunderstand if she visited a British zoo. Do not be alarmed, Sarah! No one wants to die at the London Zoo.

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