An Important Inflight Announcement
Attention please. Attention please. The following are recent changes to our regular inflight procedures.
All carry-ons will now be stapled to the wings for your convenience and safety.
Effective immediately, emotional support animals will be subject to humiliating and intrusive searches or barbecue, depending on inflight food service requirements.
We now ask that you be seated and fasten your seat belt. A brief video will play shortly, providing detailed instructions on how to fasten and adjust your seat belt. Unless you’ve never used a seat belt or have suffered a recent head trauma, this information will probably be pretty worthless.
Our customer service dominatrix will be by shortly to bludgeon you with the drink cart and insult your ethnic heritage. As of next month, this service will only be free to subservient lackey-class passengers.
In the unlikely event of a water landing, please run like hell to the nearest exit. Our prayers go with you.
On behalf of the captain and remaining sober members of the flight crew, we now invite you to sit back, relax, and enjoy your flight.
ABOUT THE ARTIST
Jeff Kennedy is a lifelong author and playwright. He is a member of the Dramatists Guild and past Thurber House and Erma Bombeck essay contest winner. Jeff’s short form writing has most recently appeared in publications such as Maudlin House, Everscribe Magazine, Flash Fiction Magazine, and Bright Flash Literary Review.
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Image generated on openart.ai
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