The Gorko Gazette

Daily Humor

thegorkogazette

12.3.2025 6:28 AM

Amazon Delivery Status Messages You Don’t Want to See (But Probably Will) by Jeff Kennedy

Amazon Delivery Status Messages You Don’t Want to See (But Probably Will)

Your package is 257 stops away

Delivery van is currently parked in the lobby of Chase Bank. Delivery may be delayed. (Bail contributions accepted. Mastercard only.)

Your package is being held at depot. Reason: Package is growling

It appears your package has probably been delivered somewhere.

We have lost contact with your driver. How much will you contribute to the rescue fund? ($100 increments only)

Your package is being held at depot. Reason: Package is gurgling (menacingly)

Package undeliverable. Reason: Package has escaped our dimension of time and space.

Amazon drone has unexpectedly joined the church of Scientology. Delivery will continue upon completion of purification rundown. Please stand by.

Your package is being held at depot. Reason: Bezos took your cookies.

ABOUT THE ARTIST

Jeff Kennedy is a lifelong author and playwright. He is a member of the Dramatists Guild and past Thurber House and Erma Bombeck essay contest winner. Jeff’s short form writing has most recently appeared in publications such as Maudlin House, Everscribe Magazine, Flash Fiction Magazine, Bright Flash Literary Review, and The Gorko Gazette.