When you decided to shell out $250 million to update your Andromod T-400 mercenary army, you knew that the upgrade had been long overdue. All your neighbors already had the Trazolight Betas deployed on their borders, and Mr. Bezos had recently unveiled his Geminoid M12-class lightning task force, something that took Mrs. Jones and her lightweight (and outnumbered) ABYSMO RIMSTALKER 7.3 skirmishers completely by surprise.
However necessary a robot army is for today’s ambitious social climber, if you thought the asking price was high, the cost of maintaining and running your new Geminoid M24-class assault bots has proven to be nothing short of staggering.
‘A robot army is a very inefficient way to show up the Joneses,’ Lloyd Somalian of Robo Crush told The Gorko. ‘The average cost to maintain the latest Geminoid models is around 2 million dollars a year per troop company, which is $200,000 a month. If you are talking about a Bezos-sized army, well it is billions of dollars a year. Forget about it for most casual warlords. But there are enough really rich people out there, and enough bad blood to support the business.’
Fortunately you were able to find the perfect mid-priced battle bots to fit your needs, reliable killing machines that are highly manueverable under fire, carry a short and mid-range arsenal, but can also stand their ground when necessary under heavy assault, thanks to the groundbreaking Rotary-Entry Combined Tactile Umbrella (RECTUM) counter-ballistic laser system.
‘The peace of mind my Geminoid M24-class robot army has brought me can not be calculated in mere dollars,’ you told The Gorko in a phone interview. ‘These babies are worth every cent.’
Gorko Retread: Article originally published 4 June 2021. When The Gorko was funny as shit.
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No. 52
Safari by Bill Tope
Cover photo by HIZIR KAYA on Unsplash
Humanoid android photo by HIZIR KAYA on Unsplash
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