The Gorko Gazette

Daily Humor

thegorkogazette

2.12.2026 7:12 AM

When Benders Go Bad by Simon Collinson

When Benders Go Bad

I’m on my last warning. Told to stick to the tried and trusted shapes or face a long stretch in prison. But I’m tired of the tried and trusted ways. I have an urge to experiment and transform my medium.

They say that what I do is disgusting and depraved. The truth is they can’t handle benders like me, I’m a visionary bender.

I’m a bender called ‘Twisty’. I used to be the biggest bender in the balloon world. Like all the other benders I make shapes out of balloons.

But I’m bored of all the dogs, giraffes and elephants, which is really just a dog with big ears. You might say I’m a bored bender.

I get my kicks from being different and doing edgy balloon stuff like two dogs fucking.

These days I don’t get much work from kids parties, not after what I made all them balloon dogs, rabbits, giraffes and elephants do at Luke Thomas’s 5th birthday bash.

I can’t help it, ideas and new positions are constantly popping into my head and before I know it my hands are furiously working away on my balloons making something filthy and sordid. You see I’m a bit of a kinky bender.

In the future they’ll laud me as a hero. Someone who took a risk to take balloon modelling out of its tired past and tried to make it relevant and exciting for a new generation.

The judge didn’t see it that way. Said I was sick and a danger to society, sentenced me to two years. Said what I did to the balloon snake was against all moral decency, well that kid shouldn’t have shouted out, ‘You can shove that up your arse.’

GBH they called it – Grievous Balloon Harm.