So you are showing a bit of love handle after this Valentine’s Day three-T-bone with baked potato, breaded coulifllower and deep fried cheese curd special at Roger’s Supper Club on Lake Peoria, and have to stop to catch your breath on the landing if you get up into the half bath to do your business when there are guests, and of course you haven’t even been brushing your teeth lately, but that did NOT stop the U.S. Olympic Subcomittee from submitting your name as Vice-Skip and Lead Brusher for the U.S. Olympic Curling Team. What in the hell are we going to tell Marge and Barney? Their barbecue is Friday, for Pete’s sakes!
The truth
To simply tell Marge and Barney the truth, that you are going to the Olympics as an official representative of the US Olympic Curling Team, is not an option. Marge and Barney after all are captains of the local Peoria Curling Club and you have routinely denied any knowledge of the sport, even going so far as to say, ‘That is not a sport.’
Too late to go back on THIS lie.
Second Honeymoon
Many middle-aged couples experience a renaissance of love in their marriages and choose to dedicate it to memory and posterity by celebrating a second honeymoon, traveling to Hawaii or the Canary Islands or even Italy. This would be rude and dismissive of the barbecue, but Marge and Barney would likely just chuckle it off.
It would however require you put in some necking sessions in the old minivan, parked conspicuously in the driveway.
Blow up the house
Create what master magicians call an act of misdirection, causing Marge and Barney to think the absolute worst (that you have been blown to smithereens) and completely tut-tut whatever reason you had had for slipping away on a transatlantic flight for a week and missing their barbecue.
Just be careful to calculate the charges well (measure twice, cut once), or else Marge and Barney might end up on their own barbecue!
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