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SUZIE CREAMCHEESE

Put a guy who thinks he is smart
in a room with three schizophrenic ladies
and you’ll have a wall that won’t shut up.

Pimple-faced students told the kid
you can’t get rich off writing poetry.
A wealthy mind sucked the legs of a hairy chair.
Alice Coltrane played
a golden harp
on the rooftop
of a doctor’s office.
The clock struck past the black cat’s ear.
Trees humped the wind.
Red and blue sirens filled the street.

A tiny police officer munched a jelly doughnut
and fired a smoking pistol at a red balloon.
They pulled a dead body from the green swamp
white bones crushed,
shoulders popping from the chicken-wing socket.

Now everything is considered an addiction.
For some, it’s milking cows.
For others, masturbating and eating corn.
For a few, it’s going to the zoo every day.
For others, video games and lemonade.
There is no winning or losing
when you can laugh at past mistakes,
and a person is doing well
if they are disliked.

Grandma and I walked along the beach.
Golden sand crept between toenails.
A blond surfer crawled out of the ocean.
‘Have you seen my leg? I got bit by a shark.’
Blood shimmered below the stomach
like a belly dancer dressed in rags.
The only fear about dying
is whether I spent enough money on therapy.

BLUE CHEESE BERTHA

You can make money
doing just about anything these days
There are tramps who sell photos
of their feet for thousands of dollars
There are guys who make millions
off trying to figure out menstrual cycles.

I stopped going out on the weekends
Sat in my room for ten hours a day
talked to a brazilian kid with
a pistachio mustache.

I started wearing these elephant wigs,
masks, eyeglasses and pork pie hats
to disguise myself.
Blue Cheese Bertha kept knocking on my door.
She had these avocado teeth
and a Charlie Chestnut smile.

‘Give us more dancing videos.’
I hid in my bedroom
and ate a pint of ice cream.
Blue Cheese Bertha was knocking away on my window.
I hadn’t seen anyone for two weeks.
I threw my phone
Into the trash and started collecting rocks.

There was a connection between receiving attention
And hating myself.
I gained ninety pounds
And developed an addiction to writing poetry.
I would sit there for hours
And write about octopus, wrestling, shrimp tacos,
Matty Bickman, Nucer, Arik and Blue Cheese Bertha.

PHO KAE LEU SI PHI KRUE

The easiest person to fight, a guy with muscles
Lifting weights can’t beat out being crazy
Six visits to the psychward, two suicide attempts
And walked twenty five miles a day.
He started blowing his horse breath in my face and yapped about sobriety. ‘You’re a no good lazy stoner. Don’t you ever sneak marijuana into this sober living’ And I hit him with a jab and a right and knocked him to the ground. Being talked behind your back, a sign of greatness.
Those who are not afraid of death fear bald doctors,
Bloody fart knuckles, sweaty fingertips
And a bag of avocado shoes.

My favorite people, the ones I haven’t shook hands with. Ate corn for a week straight
And woke up at 6pm
Blonde Southern belle gave me a hard time.
‘It cost 10,000 dollars to marry me.’
‘Why is that?’
‘Getting in bed with me is like walking with no legs.’
Tipped my porkpie hat with my pinky finger
And tap danced outside

The moon monkeys knocked on the door,
Scammed sixteen credit cards last night
And saved up for a plane trip overseas.
Packed the bags with clothes
And pulled fur luggage outside.
A deaf man sang on the front yard,
Microphone gripped by tiny soft hands
Violin bent a brown plucked string
Flowers picked by the guitar hand.
He undressed his clothes
And ran down the Boulevard.

THE STORY OF DAVID

Always knew him by the name of David
But around town he was known as ‘The gay sailor.’
His hair grew down to his shoulders
And he sailed the seas for a giant octopus.

Anyone who thinks they’re a genius thinks too much
And lives too little.
Award shows for movies, music, tv, and books
don’t judge who is winning or losing spiritually.

The phone rang, intrusive thoughts left a voicemail
And a naked constipated boy danced
in a pair of alligator shoes.
Hid in the milk bottle,
Flicked on the lightbulb switch.
Fingers scratched hairy black belly.

The gay sailor unzipped his pants with his arm
Legs crawled over the deck of the boat
And feet got sucked into the mouth of the octopus.
It is dangerous to be a straight man
So he pretends that he is gay
It gives him more money
It gives him a fancy car.