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When the Goo Goes: A Study in Post-Prostatic Sadness

Author: Carella, P.
Institution: Independent Research Division, Department of Regret Studies

Abstract

This paper examines the psychosocial aftermath of ejaculatory cessation following prostate removal. Despite continued manual dexterity and enthusiasm, the subject reports a measurable decline in visible outcome (i.e., nothing to show for it). The results indicate that the absence of seminal reward triggers nostalgia, identity erosion, and a newfound appreciation for metaphor.

Introduction

The purpose of this study is to document and analyze the psychological aftermath of ejaculatory cessation following prostate removal. While clinical literature has thoroughly described the physiological mechanics of orgasm after prostatectomy, far less attention has been given to the experiential dimension—namely the abrupt disappearance of the visible outcome traditionally associated with the act.¹

The author approaches this inquiry from the perspective of a formerly productive participant in what might be called the male emission economy. Prior to surgical intervention, the prostate, seminal vesicles, and testicles functioned as a coordinated production unit capable of generating what the literature politely calls seminal fluid and what the author historically referred to as splooge.²

The core mechanics remain intact—pull, release, breathe—yet the product line has gone dark. Population paste production: discontinued.

This study therefore seeks to investigate the following question:

What happens to a man when he Maxwell House’d for the final time and realizes there is now nothing to show for it?

Methodology

Data collection was self-directed, unsupervised, and repeatable within a narrow window of opportunity. The study was deemed exempt from institutional review board oversight on the grounds that the subject and principal investigator were the same individual. Observations were logged under varying conditions: lighting, loneliness, and mood-enhancing playlists (see Appendix A: Songs of Yearning).

Results

Partner participation has declined 100 percent, though interest in symbolic distance (how far it would have gone) remains strong. Former launch range: 17 feet, give or take hubris.

The subject reports a corresponding decline in post-event discussion, debriefing, and shared appraisal.

The subject experienced no measurable emission but displayed ongoing commitment to the process.

Variable Pre-Prostatectomy Post-Prostatectomy

Visible emission Present None

Launch range ~17 feet (± hubris) 0 feet

Partner participation Intermittent −100%

Discussion

Based on the observations collected during the study, the author proposes the following conjecture: To nut is to live.

For purposes of clarity, this principle will hereafter be referred to as The Nut Vitality Hypothesis.

Without nut, life persists, but with diminished narrative drive. The author further suggests that the sudden absence of visible outcome following otherwise intact mechanical procedure produces a state the subject has described as “functionally barren yet spiritually loaded.”

The author notes that while the procedure preserves function, it eliminates evidence—leaving the subject in a state of ongoing performance without proof.

Conclusion

The study confirms a direct correlation between Goo Deprivation and metaphysical longing. Future research should explore prosthetic optimism, alternative propulsion, and the feasibility of nostalgia as lubricant.

Notes

¹Often referred to clinically as dry orgasm, a term which, while technically accurate, fails to capture the emotional magnitude of the event.
²Terminology preserved here for historical accuracy and cultural fidelity.

References

Carella, P. (2025). Preliminary Notes on Emptying the Reservoir. Internal Monograph, Unpublished.
Paste, P. (2018). Loss, Launch, and the Modern Male. Proceedings of the Institute for Spent Carburetors.
Spaff, R. & Ejectus, T. (2014). On the Flight Path of Manhood. Journal of Ejaculatory Sciences, 12(3), 17-24.

ABOUT THE ARTIST

Patrick Carella writes fiction and creative nonfiction about family, memory, advertising, obsession, and the strange dignity of American life. He is an MFA candidate at the University of Texas at El Paso. His work has appeared in Wicked Shadow Press, CafeLit, Gorko Gazette, and is forthcoming in BULL, Hobart, The Eunoia Review, and The Hooghly Review. He lives in Cornwall-on-Hudson, New York, with his wife and their pit bulls, who remain unimpressed by literary publication.