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13 Possible Consequences for Your Friend Who Has Slept with Your Significant Other

Welcome to Bruising the Bull (BTB), the consultants who specialize in helping you get revenge on guys who have had sexual relations with the woman you love.

Have you ever walked in on the woman you love in bed with another man when he repeatedly promised he hadn’t been? Do you want to experience cathartic revenge on him while not taking any anger out on her?

As a promotional offer, for a limited time only, I am offering a list of things I have found that helps me feel like I’ve won when guys have sex with my girlfriends, fiancés, and wives.

1. Block him on Bluesky and X.

2. Demote him from “best man” status at your wedding. Best men do not conduct themselves this way. Just because the current geopolitical climate has infected your brain with nihilism doesn’t mean you have the right to spread it to hers.

3. Set up hidden cameras at work to possibly catch him doing weird things so I can send the footage to his boss.

4. Plan happy hours at new locations without telling him. All you have to do is start a new group chat. It will suck having to enter all the numbers again (My secretary, Allie, told me there’s a way to copy and paste all the numbers except the one belonging to the guy who fucked your girl).

5. Hack into his work email and send his boss porn.

6. His kids and your kids will no longer be able to have playdates together unless you are there to supervise. She will either need to stay home or be within sight of you at all times (unless of course she is going to the bathroom or something).

7. Sneak onto his driveway in the middle of the night, set six screws on the ground behind his tires (three for each).

8. Text his co-worker that you are stopping by to drop off a whoopie cushion so he can put it on the guy’s chair. When he sits down, everyone will think he made a big stinker in his cubicle, and he will finally be truly humiliated like the piece of shit who slept with my fiancé deserves to be.

9. Cross him off our Christmas card mailing list.

10. Write threatening letters to people but sign them in Karl’s name and put them in their mailboxes. “Hey, I really like watching you get changed. From, Karl from across the street.”

11. Try to have sex with Karl’s wife (but I don’t think she’d go for it, to be honest).

12. If Karl’s wife won’t have sex with me, find a guy she will have sex with so I can tell Karl that his wife slept with some other guy and then make fun of him for it.

13. Sneak into his garage (I know where he keeps the spare key) in the middle of the night and unplug their deep freezer which holds thousands of dollars’ worth of meat.

If this list looks promising, please email us at btb@geemail.com. Pricing starts at $280 per month, with a minimum 18-month commitment, no money back.

If after thirty days you are not satisfied with your results, you can just text me and I’ll send you more. I have eight notebooks full of these.

ABOUT THE ARTIST

Richard Pounder is a writer based in Philadelphia. His fiction has appeared or is forthcoming in Bending Genres, Maudlin House, BULL, Expat Press, Farewell Transmission, and others. You can follow him on X to find more: @RichPounder150.