Literary critic and dimwit Don Markenbaldi, who took up creative writing well into his fifties after spending the previous thirty years of his life systematically belittling most of western literature’s great modernist minds, has apparently finished what he refers to as a novel and plans to publish it, to the great dismay of family and friends.
‘He says With Bated Breath is a novel,’ stated an anonymous source who is close to the large, violent man, mentioning Don’s breathtaking title for the substantial volume, ‘but clocking in at just 20,000 words I think it is technically more of a novella, or chapbook. Or something.’
When asked why they objected to the publication of this modern-day Moby Dick, the person said the prose was self-conscious, the tone pompous, the manuscript itself full of spelling and grammatical errors, and the plot was basically Don Markenbaldi’s struggle to save his family and become the greatest literary critic of Malarala Isles, the fantasy setting for this horrible, horrible piece of hack writing.
The Gorko was able to obtain several pages of Don ‘William Shakespeare’ Markenbaldi’s grand opus, but out of concern for our readers we have decided to publish only a short excerpt:
‘Don’t go, Don, they will kill you,’ begged Golden SUWAMI Lucybell, breeze ruffling her TIGHT-FITTING fur LEOTARD AND CROWN OF DARK HAIR.
‘Never fear,’ retorted our hero, gazing into the darkening West, ‘for this is my quest, and I shall return with the magic soapstone before the sun touches the Great WHITE Pine with its caressing fingers.’‘I love you, Do
OOPS END OF PAGE.
Who will publish the dribble of a part-time critic and madman? The Gorko will bring you updates on Don’s search.
Couple photo by Renate Vanaga on Unsplash
Cover photo by Florian Klauer on Unsplash
