Author: thegorkogazette
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3 lines in a haiku by Louis Packard
DECIDING TO OVERTURN A COIN FLIP AS A WAY OF TAKING CONTROL OF UR LIFE
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SHE KNEW EXACTLY WHAT TO DO. IT WASN’T HER FIRST RUSSIAN SA3 BUFFER-AND-SCREW, AFTER ALL
‘What you think, this be my first Rooshun SA3 buffer un screw?’
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Jenkins Plecostomus and 2 additional chalks by Theodore Wallbanger
3 new chalks from Theodore Wallbanger
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4 Sicilian micros by Salvatore Difalco
Cousin Mario’s Sicilian zucchini had achieved hitherto unimagined proportions.
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The Day the Earth Stood Still and 1 more by Grant Vecera
And the way he greets Kate and Ron, like straight out of 1951
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STILL FRUSTRATED THAT YOU CAN’T SPEAK PET? 3 VICTORIAN LANGUAGE HACKS ONCE THOUGHT LOST TO HISTORY
Thousands of pet owners just like yourself report the same situation with their Pet as a Second Language (PSL).
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TruBqwa by Jon Wesick
Do not take TruBqwa if you are a trauma surgeon, commercial pilot, undertaker, or have access to nuclear launch codes.
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Tuesday afternoon in the Super-market and Darts Night by Ben Macnair
Colin, they have your special lotion, the one for your intimate area, two for one, shall I get you two?
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3 UNLIFELIKE CHRIST FIGURINES FOR YOUR ALREADY OVERCROWDED, GAUCHE MANTLEPIECE
Here are 3 statuette ideas to spice up your Christ on a shelf game!
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Crimeslop by Tatiana Kent
I have a jar of Wickle’s Pickles and half a half gallon of milk and the password to my parents’ Amazon Prime account.
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Upcoming Movie: Trying To Get Home From Troy
The absolute insistence on historical and literary accuracy has made it a very, very, very long movie.
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THE LIFE CONTEMPLATIVE: HOW CAN WE SLOWLY POISON BROTHER ETHERNAN TO DEATH THIS WINTER
Yes, my young friend, OF COURSE we were talking about poison. We do nothing BUT talk of poison in late summer.
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Voodoo by Nate Tulay
What I couldn’t see again was how easy it is for the mind to draw a stupid correlation
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Proust: a dialogue by Simon Firth
‘Wasn’t it the sleepy-headed Proust, propped up by dusty pillows in his cork-lined bed on the Boulevard Haussmann, who…?’
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IT’S OFFICIAL: PEORIA TO BE RENAMED PEORIA EL PASO
The results of the July 4th Peoria or Peoria El Paso (Peoria Just Passin’ Thru) referendum.
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‘OUT IN L.A.’: Hugh Blanton reviews Grant Chemidlin’s IN THE MIDDLE OF A BETTER WORLD
Despite the singular theme in In the Middle of a Better World it’s still a grab bag of poems.
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The Lemondrop Dream Blog: Bomber Death Planes Riding Shotgun in the Sky
How can we be sure that pets are dead, and not traveling?
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Moonflower and 2 more by James Callan
In a wide valley somewhere in Kyrgyzstan flowers grow in the shape of a horse Eagles swim in edelweiss skies
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Iryna Somkina’s Fashion Empire
I wanted to be a fashion designer before I knew how to write. It was the nineties.
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13 Possible Consequences for Your Friend Who Has Slept with Your Significant Other by Rich Pounder
Welcome to Bruising the Bull (BTB), the consultants who specialize in helping you get revenge on guys who have had sexual relations with the woman you love.
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‘CAN YOU SPOT THE TEN DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THESE TWO IMAGES?’ by Ron Arbuckle
I scan my eyes carefully over the two not so dissimilar images. Left to right. Top to bottom. One corner to the other.
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THERE ARE MORE THAN 50 NEW FEARS REGISTERED EVERY SINGLE HOUR ON PHOBIAPEDIA. HERE ARE THE TOP 6 FEARS MOST LIKELY TO COME TRUE IN YOUR LIFETIME
The fear of dropping your phone into an open sewer: dropsmartophobia.
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MITCH’S LET’S JUMP THE TOP GUN! TOP TEN MOVIES OF 2026 IN JULY
Gorko Entertainment Editor Mitchell Kennedy sticks a fork in those months of moviegoing madness with his annual LET’S JUMP THE TOP GUN – Mitch’s top movie picks of the year, only halfway through the year!
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Scary by Jon Vilardi
Through tears, he looks at the holographic Daft Punk poster above his direct-to-consumer rubber bed.
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Flight beyond the edge of a notebook page by Mykyta Ryzhykh
Fear of heights Fear of silence Fear of birds
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An Incomplete Survey of Americans who are named John Wayne but are not the legendary 20th-century film star John Wayne by Sarp Sozdinler
At least six Jon Waynes are displeased by the typo in their names.
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MISTER BANANA AND THE BANANA BOAT
I talked to the man who rents the banana boats but he just thought I wanted a job.
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ACE THAT GROCERY CLERK INTERVIEW WITH THESE 5 TIPS
You know you have the skills, the expertise and the experience to be the best grocery clerk in Peoria, so get ready to ace the interview with these 5 easy tips.
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You Can’t Clean Everything by Adam Kaz
But there are cleanable spots all over the house I can attack.
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Dinner with the Arsonists and 1 more by Samantha Hund
The glow of the chandelier Paints my fingertips pinot red
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Glove Love by Simon Collinson
We were performing, ‘Wake me up before you go go’ with a shuttlecock shoved into my shorts.
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REPORT: SHE ATE THEIR MAYONNAISE THEN HOPPED A TRAIN FOR CHARLOTTE
The enigmatic, swashbuckling figure of Tonya Klippenberg-Vattenwasch III, one-time Romanian Robin Hood.
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Three François Tristan L’Hermite Poems translated by Stephan Crown-Weber
Destins, faites-moi voir une ville allumée, Toute pleine d’horreur, de carnage et de bruit
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POETRY SOCIETY TO HEAR SHORT POEMS READ
‘Any visiting writer may take part in the program,’ announced the Society’s pamphlet.
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Critique by Bill Tope
Robert booted up his laptop and immediately navigated to Babies, Orphans and Puppies (BOP), his favorite literary zine.
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The Erotic Positions of Chewbacca & C-3PO and 2 additional chalks by Theodore Wallbanger
The first rule of Chalk Club is you don’t chalk about Chalk Club.
