Author: thegorkogazette
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You Can Take Away These Five Monuments to Deer Point’s Greatness When You Can Pry Them From Our Cold Dead Hands by Nathan Ellis
Known as The Shoveler, Deer Point librarian and bird watching enthusiast Leah Plimpton terrorized Deer Point from 1984 to 1993.
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It Was Called ‘SmokeNet’ by Mohammad Asgari
Scientists Discover Native Americans Had Social Media Thousands of Years Before Facebook — It Was Called ‘SmokeNet’
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Faux Chairs by Ken Long
We watched them for a few minutes to see if they would leave, but they just sat there talking.
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Review of Revenge of the Living Dead Girls by Dmitriy Kogan
His pregnant wife, Helen, inexplicably ends up giving birth to a mutant baby in the shower.
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Solid Flesh Would Melt and 1 more by Damon Hubbs
A bird and a fish may fall in love, but where would they live
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Smite, Armageddon, Ladies’ Underwear by Patrick Carella
Alien sociologists might have called the commuters what they were: pulses of shiny krill, tunneling soot-stained toward their hatcheries around the city.
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Highways Clogged with Traffic, City Council Moves to Purchase Giant Toilet Plunger
This morning, the streets were unclogged, and traffic flowed faster than it ever had before.
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I Think My Girlfriend May Occasionally Be Possessed by the Ghost of Pop Singer Michael Jackson by Nick Porisch
She doesn’t even know how to moonwalk so how could she have done that in the kitchen scaring the cat.
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BRUSH UP ON YOUR FRENCH: HOW DO YOU SAY ‘MAC N CHEESE’ IN PARIS?
Remember to always be polite to your waiter, s’il te plait!
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Journey After the Show and The Slaughtering Cause by Ben Nardolilli
For a face that can turn into a skyline When stretched out on its side
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Rearview Mirror: Cartoons by Tamizh Ponni VP
The words on my notes app alone couldn’t do justice to the strange ideas that visited me at night.
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3 lines in a haiku by Louis Packard
DECIDING TO OVERTURN A COIN FLIP AS A WAY OF TAKING CONTROL OF UR LIFE
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SHE KNEW EXACTLY WHAT TO DO. IT WASN’T HER FIRST RUSSIAN SA3 BUFFER-AND-SCREW, AFTER ALL
‘What you think, this be my first Rooshun SA3 buffer un screw?’
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Jenkins Plecostomus and 2 additional chalks by Theodore Wallbanger
3 new chalks from Theodore Wallbanger
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4 Sicilian micros by Salvatore Difalco
Cousin Mario’s Sicilian zucchini had achieved hitherto unimagined proportions.
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The Day the Earth Stood Still and 1 more by Grant Vecera
And the way he greets Kate and Ron, like straight out of 1951
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STILL FRUSTRATED THAT YOU CAN’T SPEAK PET? 3 VICTORIAN LANGUAGE HACKS ONCE THOUGHT LOST TO HISTORY
Thousands of pet owners just like yourself report the same situation with their Pet as a Second Language (PSL).
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TruBqwa by Jon Wesick
Do not take TruBqwa if you are a trauma surgeon, commercial pilot, undertaker, or have access to nuclear launch codes.
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Tuesday afternoon in the Super-market and Darts Night by Ben Macnair
Colin, they have your special lotion, the one for your intimate area, two for one, shall I get you two?
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3 UNLIFELIKE CHRIST FIGURINES FOR YOUR ALREADY OVERCROWDED, GAUCHE MANTLEPIECE
Here are 3 statuette ideas to spice up your Christ on a shelf game!
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Crimeslop by Tatiana Kent
I have a jar of Wickle’s Pickles and half a half gallon of milk and the password to my parents’ Amazon Prime account.
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Upcoming Movie: Trying To Get Home From Troy
The absolute insistence on historical and literary accuracy has made it a very, very, very long movie.
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THE LIFE CONTEMPLATIVE: HOW CAN WE SLOWLY POISON BROTHER ETHERNAN TO DEATH THIS WINTER
Yes, my young friend, OF COURSE we were talking about poison. We do nothing BUT talk of poison in late summer.
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Voodoo by Nate Tulay
What I couldn’t see again was how easy it is for the mind to draw a stupid correlation
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Proust: a dialogue by Simon Firth
‘Wasn’t it the sleepy-headed Proust, propped up by dusty pillows in his cork-lined bed on the Boulevard Haussmann, who…?’
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IT’S OFFICIAL: PEORIA TO BE RENAMED PEORIA EL PASO
The results of the July 4th Peoria or Peoria El Paso (Peoria Just Passin’ Thru) referendum.
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‘OUT IN L.A.’: Hugh Blanton reviews Grant Chemidlin’s IN THE MIDDLE OF A BETTER WORLD
Despite the singular theme in In the Middle of a Better World it’s still a grab bag of poems.
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The Lemondrop Dream Blog: Bomber Death Planes Riding Shotgun in the Sky
How can we be sure that pets are dead, and not traveling?
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Moonflower and 2 more by James Callan
In a wide valley somewhere in Kyrgyzstan flowers grow in the shape of a horse Eagles swim in edelweiss skies
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Iryna Somkina’s Fashion Empire
I wanted to be a fashion designer before I knew how to write. It was the nineties.
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13 Possible Consequences for Your Friend Who Has Slept with Your Significant Other by Rich Pounder
Welcome to Bruising the Bull (BTB), the consultants who specialize in helping you get revenge on guys who have had sexual relations with the woman you love.
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‘CAN YOU SPOT THE TEN DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THESE TWO IMAGES?’ by Ron Arbuckle
I scan my eyes carefully over the two not so dissimilar images. Left to right. Top to bottom. One corner to the other.
