Author: thegorkogazette
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A Compendium of Gemstones by James Callan
Kyanite is a corpse hidden in the center of a snowbank in the parking lot at Lowe’s.
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The Melancholy Man of Leisure by Hugh Blanton
This is part of Shteyngart’s shtick—the bullied, picked upon, oppressed, poor little guy that just can’t catch a break.
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YOU DON’T NECESSARILY NEED CHAMPAGNE TO TOAST THE CONQUEST OF A MINOR EUROPEAN NATION
If the nation is a fairly large one, however, champagne may indeed be expected.
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An open letter to God by Zoë Davis
The All-You-Can-Eat Supper Club Hosted by Nelson Mandela has been a personal highlight.
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Fear Cringed Eyes by Nicholas Viglietti
Brutal sting, you barter with God. Decisions made, and we were to blame.
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Dangerous Dave by Simon Collinson
I used to love doing tricks. Go down them head first, run up the slide.
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Mitch’s Movie Mash: Despite Gruesome Hygiene ‘The Batboy’ Has Bonified Man Wings
I hate it when she finds out about upcoming theatrical releases before I do, but it makes sense.
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THIS COURAGEOUS MAN WENT BACK TO HIGH SCHOOL AT THE AGE OF 56 AND WAS BULLIED LIKE IT WAS 1984
Unfortunately for Lenny, times have not changed all that much in forty years.
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Dreadlocks by Arthur Neong
And he has all the world to himself. The richest poorest man in the world.
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YOU KNOW I LIKE MY GIRLS A LITTLE BIT OLDER
I just wanna use your love tonight. No, I don’t wanna lose your love tonight.
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Fish in love by Mykyta Ryzhykh
Spruce trees cast their proud shadows on four-legged tracks in the snow
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Found Poetry: ‘Poet Interruptus’ by Uncle Toby
Callow to the utmost, maturely she sips her morning brew / With unknowingly meager nonplussed virgin charm
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You Can Take Away These Five Monuments to Deer Point’s Greatness When You Can Pry Them From Our Cold Dead Hands by Nathan Ellis
Known as The Shoveler, Deer Point librarian and bird watching enthusiast Leah Plimpton terrorized Deer Point from 1984 to 1993.
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It Was Called ‘SmokeNet’ by Mohammad Asgari
Scientists Discover Native Americans Had Social Media Thousands of Years Before Facebook — It Was Called ‘SmokeNet’
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Faux Chairs by Ken Long
We watched them for a few minutes to see if they would leave, but they just sat there talking.
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Review of Revenge of the Living Dead Girls by Dmitriy Kogan
His pregnant wife, Helen, inexplicably ends up giving birth to a mutant baby in the shower.
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Solid Flesh Would Melt and 1 more by Damon Hubbs
A bird and a fish may fall in love, but where would they live
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Smite, Armageddon, Ladies’ Underwear by Patrick Carella
Alien sociologists might have called the commuters what they were: pulses of shiny krill, tunneling soot-stained toward their hatcheries around the city.
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Highways Clogged with Traffic, City Council Moves to Purchase Giant Toilet Plunger
This morning, the streets were unclogged, and traffic flowed faster than it ever had before.
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I Think My Girlfriend May Occasionally Be Possessed by the Ghost of Pop Singer Michael Jackson by Nick Porisch
She doesn’t even know how to moonwalk so how could she have done that in the kitchen scaring the cat.
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BRUSH UP ON YOUR FRENCH: HOW DO YOU SAY ‘MAC N CHEESE’ IN PARIS?
Remember to always be polite to your waiter, s’il te plait!
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Journey After the Show and The Slaughtering Cause by Ben Nardolilli
For a face that can turn into a skyline When stretched out on its side
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Rearview Mirror: Cartoons by Tamizh Ponni VP
The words on my notes app alone couldn’t do justice to the strange ideas that visited me at night.
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3 lines in a haiku by Louis Packard
DECIDING TO OVERTURN A COIN FLIP AS A WAY OF TAKING CONTROL OF UR LIFE
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SHE KNEW EXACTLY WHAT TO DO. IT WASN’T HER FIRST RUSSIAN SA3 BUFFER-AND-SCREW, AFTER ALL
‘What you think, this be my first Rooshun SA3 buffer un screw?’
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Jenkins Plecostomus and 2 additional chalks by Theodore Wallbanger
3 new chalks from Theodore Wallbanger
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4 Sicilian micros by Salvatore Difalco
Cousin Mario’s Sicilian zucchini had achieved hitherto unimagined proportions.
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The Day the Earth Stood Still and 1 more by Grant Vecera
And the way he greets Kate and Ron, like straight out of 1951
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STILL FRUSTRATED THAT YOU CAN’T SPEAK PET? 3 VICTORIAN LANGUAGE HACKS ONCE THOUGHT LOST TO HISTORY
Thousands of pet owners just like yourself report the same situation with their Pet as a Second Language (PSL).
