What is it with those funny accents and tri-cornered hats? Wigs, chips, Hoovers and Wellies? The warning signs were there, but if you neglected to take measures to protect yourself and your family, by the time you read this it may well be too late: a massive space-time portal with dimensions for free passage of extraterrestrial lizard people has appeared on London’s South Bank in County Hall, and by all reports the lizard people are already among us.
The massive superstructure was first spotted by American college sophomore tourist Trish Falaccio, who is currently enjoying a one-semester study abroad experience in London.
‘I found these rad neon sunglasses in the back of an abandoned church,’ she gushed to reporters, ‘and when I put them on, I started seeing things.’
The amazing glasses allowed Trish to identify the lizard people, who apparently are already among us, walking talking and eating chips, their favorite form of sustenance when there are no unattended human children.
The structure Trish identified as a space-time portal is, to the casual observer, none other than the 135-meter cantilevered observation wheel known as the London Eye. Clearly Londoners can’t call it a Ferris wheel because they are secretly lizard people, plotting the cannibalization and destruction of human civilization, explained Trish.
‘I feel that the time is very near, that their preparations are almost complete,’ she said, peering across the Thames in her neon sunglasses.
THE POWER OF FLIGHT COMBINED WITH NO SKILL