Local pre-teen Randall McClaughlin was rushed to the St. Martha emergency room in the early morning hours this past Saturday, victim of spontaneous combustion during a private seance in which himself and three other area children recited the complete Lord of the Rings ring verse.
The Gorko was able to locate the ring verse but has decided NOT to print it in its entirety. The partial verse, a chilling incantation originally penned by J.R.R. Tolkien in the middle of the last century C.E. in Middle Earth, reads as follows:
‘Let this be a warning to all parents whose children are overly interested in the LotR universe,’ said local doctor Mustafa Shilverstein. ‘You may think that the ring verse is child’s play. It is not.’