Practically everyone in your life aspires to lead a good life. The exceptions of course are your uncles Toby and ‘Riffraff’ Ronnie, your cousins Gerry, Luis, and Miranda, and your great-aunt Richardine, all now serving time or dead. But there are so many people in your life who are actually on the brink of finding true happiness in the form of a good life. This is how you can safely and efficiently stop that from happening.
SAY YOU PUT THE KETTLE ON THE HOB
Say you put the kettle on the hob and make it true, put the kettle on the hob without turning the hob on, if that is what you do to a hob. Without lighting the hob to heat up the kettle.
SAY CRISPS WHEN YOU MEAN CHIPS OR VICE VERSA
See the light in their eyes go out when you give them crisps and they expect chips, or chips when they expect crisps.
TALK ABOUT BALL BEARINGS
Bore them to death by constantly talking about mechanical issues you are having with your dumb little car.
CHEW GUM, WHISTLE, AND GIGGLE TO YOURSELF
Send them after Toby and Riffraff Ronnie in a hurry, just be sure you don’t end up like auntie Richardine.
TURN YOUR HOUSE INTO A HOME
Just kidding, don’t do this last one at home, folks.
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