Have you been looking at satellite images of your planet and noticing a bit of late Holocine bulging towards the Equator? Never fear, this is known in astronomical circles as Midlife Planetary Bulgeitis (MPB) and it is perfectly harmless! Today we will be sharing 3 easy remedies for firming up your bulging circumference.
CHOP DOWN THOSE EQUATORIAL RAINFORESTS
Simply removing excess trees is possibly the quickest fix for MPB occurring on terrestrial planets inhabited by intelligent life that is not EXTREMELY intelligent life. By beach season your planet will be literally so hot it will be on fire.
ENGAGE THE TRUSTY PLANET CORSET
First employed by Madame Dowding of Charing Cross Road to firm up a bulge in her 19th century estuary, it was only a matter of time before the corset would be used for a whole manner of other bulges, including unsightly aberrations in continents and even entire planets. Rumors of the corset being to blame for complications leading to unusual storm incontinence, continental shelf deformity, and shifting tidal and migratory patterns have mostly been exaggerated.
IT’S JUST WATER WEIGHT
Do you know that over 70% of your planet is water? Get rid of your oceans, chubby blue planet, and you’ll be spinning like a top in no time!
Image created on DALL-E
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