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RATZASS: UNRELEASED PRESS RELEASE BY BOB GIELOW

PRESS RELEASE

RATZASS® (RAPATZASUCROSIMPLEX NORVEGICUS) RECEIVES MARKETING AUTHORIZATION IN THE EUROPEAN UNION FOR MODERATE TO SEVERE ORAL HERPES 

Wednesday, August 1, 2019 – 1:00 am EDT

Fizer Inc. (NYSE: FIZ) announced today that the European Commission (EC) has approved RATZASS® (rapatzasucrosimplex norvegicus) 3 ml cream four times daily (QID), for at least three days, as the first and only topical therapy treatment for adult patients with moderate to severe oral herpes (HSV1 or OH) who have had an inadequate response or were intolerant to both conventional therapies and to frantic prayers.

In approving RATZASS for Oral Herpes, the European Medicines Agency’s (EMA) Committee for Human Medicinal Products (CHMP) has, as part of its assessment, determined RATZASS to be of significant clinical benefit for patients with OH in comparison with existing therapies, including wishful thinking.

‘Oral Herpes is a chronic disease that can develop at any age, be difficult to manage, and affect multiple aspects of daily life,’ said Ben Willard, regional president of Inflammation and Immunology, Fizer.  ‘The EC approval of RATZASS provides an additional treatment option that can help improve the care of adults in Europe living with this common and unnecessarily humiliating oral disease.’

About Oral Herpes (OH)


OH is a chronic inflammatory disease that is estimated to affect almost 200 million people in Europe.  Symptoms of OH can include painful sores on the upper and lower lips, gums, tongue, roof of the mouth, and sometimes on the face, chin, and neck.  OH can have a significant effect on, work, family and social activities.  OH is often contracted when patients mouth-kiss someone they knew, at the time, they probably shouldn’t.

About RATZASS®

RATZASS® is the first and only topical therapy to be approved for this patient population and is the first approved medicine to incorporate chemicals distilled from cells that have been shaved off the gluteus maximus of the rattus norvegicus (commonly known as the “Brown Rat”).  Fizer is committed to advancing the developing science of rattus gluteous shavings through robust clinical development programs in the treatment of a confounding variety of inflammatory conditions caused by poor decision-making and/or plain dumb luck.

ADVERSE REACTIONS

During controlled clinical trials in patients with moderate to severe Oral Herpes, the most commonly reported adverse reactions involved headaches, dizziness, nausea, diarrhea, skin sensitivity to sunlight, an inclination for patients to scratch themselves, occasional light squeaking, and a new-found fondness for the movie ‘Ratatouille.’

USE IN PREGNANCY

No female Fizer employees can imagine a health-conscious pregnant woman wanting to apply a product to their mouths that has been created using the shavings from a Rat’s butt.

‘Until now, people living with moderate to severe oral herpes have not had a topical treatment available that can both induce and maintain the remission of symptoms,’ said Stephen Baronni, head of IBD Center, Department of Oral Medicine Research Hospital, Milan, Italy, and President of the European Herpes Organisation (EHO) Governing Board.  ‘This approval of RATZASS offers the oral herpes community an additional treatment option. In addition, this drug finally provides a plausible answer to the age-old question; ‘Why should I give a Rat’s ass?’’

Working together for a healthier world®

At Fizer, proud of our role as the world’s most innovative biopharmaceutical company; we apply our global resources, science, and alcohol-induced creativity to identify new therapies that may or may not develop into usable consumer health products.  Guess we lucked out on this one.  




Photo by Nati Melnychuk en Unsplash

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

A college administrator by day, Bob Gielow (he/him) spins tales in formats we all use when communicating with each other: text messages, emails, fictional Wikipedia posts, and diary entries all allow him to be clinical and thorough in describing his characters, their thinking and actions … without diminishing his ability to explore the resulting human emotions. 

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