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Malcolm

It was the summer of Callaghan’s ascent,
made sizzling by the backhand of Borg,
Frazzling In that blisteringly hot summer.
Sun beaten ground pounded bone dry,
hurling up hellish dust and spiteful stinging wasps.
The air was feverishly alive with tunes of Abba, Tavares and the Wurzels.

Wildfires broke out everyday, sending throats choked with thick acrid smoke.
People were parched and puckled, living in the harsh charnel furnace.
Dry mouths, swollen tongues and mad urges for all.
It was too hot to toil. The workers sweated, swooned and fainted.

But Sandy McDonald didn’t care. The hot weather was making people drink more alcohol.
And Sandy ran one of the biggest whisky distilleries in the country.
Only top brands mind.
Quality scotch, single malt.

You might have heard of their brands, The infamous Grice, Balls, and Glenn’s been roaming in the gloam a lot.

But Sandy had a secret.
If it got out, it would spell disaster for his firm, Whisky Taylor.

For his top whisky taster was none other than a rat!
A useful rat called Malcolm.
Malcolm, the wonderful whisky tasting rat.

The rat had a fine taste and could spot a dud in an instant.
Malcolm was an expert.
He could swirl the whisky glass just dandy. He knew the right amount of whisky legs, how to nose a specimen correctly, always taking lots of small sniffs so he could savour all the aromas.
With a swish of his tail to this way or that he would point out to Sandy if a taste was fruity, winey or peaty. Sometimes if Malcolm’s tail stood rigid in the air Sandy knew for certain a whisky was fabulously feinty.

Malcolm the marvellous malt master.

But the whisky tasting career is fickle, precarious and all too brief.
For as they say, mony a mickle maks a muckle.*

And came that fateful day when Malcolm gulped way too much, when he should have spat.
His wee ratty legs buckled and Malcolm toppled head first into the whisky.
Sandy dived to save the stricken rat
But he was too late.
Malcolm was all peely wally, permanently sozzled and soused.

And that was the end of Malcolm’s career as the whisky tasting rat.

*Many small things make a big thing.

About the artist

Simon is a ND writer from England. He is a member of the All Seasons writing group. He will be publishing a collection of contemporary Gothic poetry later this year. he seeks stillness and solitude.