Comparing mackerel in your sweatshop, and Lucy keeps insisting that the one she caught in 2016 was THIS LONG? Tired of the lies, accusations, and endless arguments? Do you frequently get the urge to send Lucy and her holy mackerel packing with one swing of a cast iron skillet? Well take a deep breath and hold up on homicide just a minute, buster, because Gorko Chef Rambo Bolillo has you covered! With his brand new Rambo Mackerelizer® you are guaranteed to put all of your petty kitchen quarrels to sleep with the fishes!
HOW DOES IT WORK
Simple yet elegant in design, the Rambo Mackerelizer® allows any line cook to simply stretch a mackerel out along the blue dotted line, cinch up the head with the movable Mackerel Knob, and measure in inches OR centimeters!
WAIT MY MACKEREL IS ONLY 14 CENTIMETERS LONG IS THIS THING BROKEN
Do not be alarmed if actual fish lengths are much shorter than previously thought! Many hothouse laborers wrongly assume that their fish is the longest fish in the world, when it is only normal size. Normal is fine, buddy! We all need to eat.
HOW MUCH DO YOU WANT FOR THIS THING
Only $29.99 plus shipping within the continental US, and we’ll throw in a free shoehorn! Don’t go to jail, get clubbed down, or stabbed in the back over a silly fish! Get yourself a Rambo Mackerelizer®, and live to work another demeaning, minimum wage day.
Images generated on Stable Diffusion