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Sutton Memorial DMV

Carved from a single slab of marble in 2015, the building honors the accomplishments of Clifford Sutton and his prized 1970 Buick Skylark. In 1995 the inseparable duo set the standard in Deer Point for drunk driving, receiving six DUIs in January alone. In August of that same year, an intoxicated Sutton crossed the median on the Dixon Expressway, wiping out three generations of the Wallace family in a single head-on collision and rendering his beloved Skylark inoperable. The Buick was laid to rest in Bowman’s Scrapyard the same day Mr. Sutton began serving a 10-year sentence at Deer Point Correctional Institute. After his release he ran for mayor, promising to abolish blood alcohol limits if elected. He delivered on this promise in his second of three terms.

Our Shovel of Righteous Indignation
Located in the parking lot of Plimpton High School

Known as The Shoveler, Deer Point librarian and bird watching enthusiast Leah Plimpton terrorized Deer Point from 1984 to 1993. During her reign, any citizen unfortunate enough to incur her wrath—violators of the town’s noise ordinance were disproportionately at risk—would be tortured in her basement for days by a pair of trained robins with unusually sharp beaks, before she delivered the coup de grace with her infamous shovel. Miss Plimpton’s confirmed body count stands at 20, although she is suspected in another 10 missing persons cases. Up for parole in three years, she is a model prisoner at Deer Point Correctional Institute, running the facility’s library and establishing a renowned birdwatching society for inmates across the United States. Upon her release, she plans to run for sheriff.

The Trent Bowman Child Welfare Services Building

Unveiled in 1995, the building was designed by architect Jeffrey Lepky to celebrate Mr. Bowman’s unconventional approach to child rearing, combining a sterile, modern design with a liberal use of turrets to evoke a sense of emotional austerity and dread. While raising his 12 children Mr. Bowman worked tirelessly to hone and expand his parental skillset, ceaselessly testing and exceeding legal boundaries—whether it was locking his children up in cages, starving them for fights over raw meat, or leaving them alone for days chained to the wall in a dark closet. And his passion for parenting has taken root in the next generation. His own children are now grown and working hard push the limits of discipline even further; monuments for Trent Jr. and Cody are already in the approval stages. Mr. Bowman has also served as a foster parent for no less than 15 children. Two are still in his care.

The Mercer Arch
Located at the entrance to the Deer Point Grey Wolf Preserve

Pioneers in Deer Point’s medical community, Paul and Marsha Mercer ran the town’s Mental Hospital from 1980 until their retirement in 2000. Hundreds of patients passed through their care, with many of them unknowingly becoming participants in human medical trials. Inspired by sizable payments from major pharmaceutical companies, the Mercers subjected their charges to numerous treatments of dubious scientific merit, from high-intensity microwave radiation to cure Alzheimer’s to disinfectant injections to eradicate the resulting cancer. As a result, the hospital’s mortality rate consistently hovered at a shocking 85 percent. The dead were typically discarded in Plimpton Forest, where they become a critical source of food for the dwindling population of Deer Point grey wolves. For their contributions to the survival of the endangered species, an arch composed of human bones was erected in the Mercer’s name, and they were given a key to the town by Mayor Clifford Sutton in 2010.

Defender of the Realm
Located in the Deer Point Courthouse’s food court

As a foster child in the Bowman household, Arnold Dixon learned exactly two things: the value of having a heritage of one’s own and the efficacy of unyielding discipline. Both of these lessons have shaped his tenure as Deer Point Attorney General and relentless quest to defend Deer Point’s many monuments to greatness. Recognizing their importance in preserving the town’s history, he led the movement to establish a mandatory minimum sentence for the defacement of any structure bearing even the slightest historical significance. Through his efforts, what had previously been a $200 fine became a life sentence without the possibility of parole. Since establishing the minimum sentence five years ago, he has personally overseen the conviction of 30 residents. In three cases, he asked for—and received—the death penalty. For his dedication to Deer Point’s history, Mr. Dixon was also awarded the Medal of Valor in 2019.

About the artist

When not busying himself as a word sorcerer for a PR and marketing agency, Nathan Ellis writes depressing poetry and short stories centered around absurd circumstances. His work has previously appeared in Every Day Fiction and issue six of The Journal of Undiscovered Poets. He currently resides in St. Paul, MN.