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If you pay attention to our newsfeed here at The Gorko, you will know that there is no lack of strange goings-on in the larger Peoria area, and the world, and all about the penchant of our own editors for amateur sleuthing. What you may or may not have realized are how heavily local and national professional crimefighters actually depend on The Gorko for important leads! Here are some of the most bizarre true crime cases that we have personally put to rest over the years.

AMELIA EARHART

On July 2nd 1937 the world’s most famous female pilot, Amelia Earhart, was on line to make a landing at Howland Island, a waypoint refueling station that lay between Lae, New Guinea, and Hawaii. This was to be the third-to-last leg of the dauntless adventuress’s round-the-world flight, which had begun in Oakland that 19th of May. However, Amelia would never reach the island: she and her faithful navigator Fred Noonan, after making radio contact within miles of Howland, seemed to simply disappear into thin air. Although a massive search and rescue operation was mounted with Coast Guard and military ships and planes sweeping more than 35 thousand square miles of Pacific Ocean, no trace of the missing flyers was found. What had happened to the tousle-haired aviatrix and her heavy-drinking navigator Fred? Had they crashed upon one of the countless atolls that pepper that part of the ocean? Or perhaps been picked up by a Japanese submarine, and held hostage in the Marshall Islands in a bamboo cage? Had Amelia perhaps finally given in to the ruthless charm of Fred Noonan, and eloped to live on a hidden but bountifully fruited jungle island, perhaps nowhere near Howland Island? Or through her espionage connections in US government was she given a new identity, and permitted to live out her life as dumpy New Jersey housewife Irene Craigmile Bolam?

HOW THE GORKO SOLVED THE MYSTERY

The clue that almost every other clumsy posse of amateur sleuths overlooked was, as per usual, directly beneath everyone’s nose. With this conveniently obfuscated detail, The Gorko was able to prove beyond dispute that Amelia Earhart did not crash and sink, was not eaten by giant monster crabs, or airnapped by the Japanese, or living in Jersey, but was very simply transported to another dimension. This is of course something that the government DOES NOT WANT YOU TO KNOW, probably because they sent an innocent flyer on a one-way ticket to DOOM, which is why they cov