Every week our Theme Expert, Teddy, goes into detail on a new theme. This week’s theme is Mascara.
MASCARA WHY WE WEAR IT
As many of you creepy poets already know so well, dressing as a clown or mime and wandering the streets of Peoria during daylight hours is one of the most time-tested ways to get the crap beat out of you by a roaming pack of frat boys. So why do we do it? Is it because of the popular influence of movies such as Joker and Suicide Squad? An urge to perform and win the approval of your fellow denizens, despite having absolutely no artistic talent as an actor or otherwise? Or is it in fact to mask the horror and excruciating shame you feel from a society that has rejected you, the negative emotions that have guided your steps your whole life and taken you day by day, month by month down the inevitable path to darkness?
Today at The Gorko we examine all of these hilarious options.
YES PROBABLY THE LAST OPTION IS CORRECT
We understand the clown white base and the black face paint circles around the eyes. We can even get behind the black hearts, red lipstick, and opal glitter. But why do you have to blacken the lashes, too, as you ride the number 18 bus downtown? Is it in fact that you are already in the possession of devils, already in fact a plaything and puppet of the powers of darkness? It was recently put to a serious vote here at The Gorko, and our entire newsroom was anonymous in the opinion that yes, you are most likely already in the clutches of the devil, you bad mime you.
NAW IT IS PROBABLY JUST YOUR JOKER FANDOM COMING OUT, IT IS A PHASE
Your mother, speaking on the condition of anonymity, told us that you have always been a superficial little flit, not sure who you are yet with your still-soft cerebral cortex, and yet greedy for attention and glory. We heard all about your goth phase, the unicorn and rainbow phase, the punk thing which was when the court order was issued re: The Sticks, and on and on. Your mother was relieved, however, to learn that your current act involves no talking.
DOES CHARLIE SHEEN EVER WEAR MASCARA
Charlie often enters Funderland Luxury Drug & Alcohol Rehab Center disguised as a clown in order to entertain the child actors such as yourself. Go to Funderland for free lessons, mime boy!
Wherever you are this week, miming on whatever bus, watch your suspender flap! If you are interested in seeing the new Joker movie with me and my gang of mimes, don’t hesitate to drop me a line!
Join Teddy every week as he goes stalking the internet in search of new Themes.
Image generated on Canva
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