Every week our Theme Expert, Teddy, goes into detail on a new theme. This week’s theme is When A Boy Named Kevin Almost Drinks From Your Martini.
WELL, IT WAS ALMOST A CRAZY PARTY
As many of you are finding out this beautiful Sunday morning, that was SOME party! And yet let us list only on one hand the things that could have made it one of the greatest Poets Rock Around The Xmas Block parties of the current decade: Maureen forgot her pitbull, Jesse misplaced his collection of exploding cigars, Shemar got lost somewhere in West Peoria looking for drags (drugs?), I myself personally forgot to spike the punch, and of course what could have been the infamous incident of the night, A Boy Named Kevin Almost Drank From Your Martini but realized his mistake at the last second, and you never met him.
THAT IS FINE HE IS PROBABLY A BORDER GUARD OR SOMETHING
No, in fact he is not. The Kevin Who Almost Drank From Your Martini is pursuing a Ph.D. in Economics from Yale, bench presses 250 with one hand, and is as single as the day God made Eve. You straight up missed the chance of a lifetime, hon.
THAT IS FINE I WILL JUST CONNECT WITH THE Boy Named Kevin WHO Almost Drinks From MartiniS ON SOCIAL MEDIA
No no no, when I say you missed your chance I mean you really missed your chance. Over, kaput. See this Boy Named Kevin Who Almost Drank From Your Martini is off-grid, baby, because he is so green and politically perfect in every way that he never touches a cell phone or computer, and has been in trouble with the phone company and of course the deep state since about 2018, so lives underground, in a world of environmental activists who bleed pure tree sap every time another acre of the rainforest is clearcut.
DOES CHARLIE SHEEN EVER DRINK FROM SOMEONE ELSE’S MARTINI
Charlie has not had a martini since 2017, ever since the famous incident in which a cold turkey walked across his naked chest outside his Malibu penthouse. You should perhaps be more like Charlie, and perhaps at next year’s party you’ll meet A Boy Named Charlie Who Almost Drinks From Your Martini.
Join Teddy every week as he goes stalking the internet in search of new Themes.
Image generated on Canva
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