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Pub Band has played Wham’s Last Christmas seven times now

Pub rock band Oily and the Blanchmange have now played Last Christmas by Wham for the seventh time.

Even the jazz-tinged saxophonist Tim Dewberry-Sprocket is getting sick of it.

‘I know it is a classic Christmas song,’ bewailed Tim, ‘but our singer Sam has now sung it seven times. Seven times in a row. I wish it was a joke, but it isn’t.’

Sam, told us, after singing the song, ‘I have an ex, and every time I sing this song, it reminds me of him. If it was a good breakup, and if I missed him, it would make more sense. Sometimes I suppose I like to wallow in self-pity.’

Drummer Norris weighed in. ‘When can we play some Iron Maiden? Nothing puts a crowd in the Christmas spirit like a loudly played Bring Your Daughter to the Slaughter does it?’

Four Year old still scared by the concept of Santa

Four-year-old Noah is still scared of the concept of Santa Claus. Although, as always Noah has been a good boy, he still doesn’t like the concept of a man he has never met giving him a present for no reason.

‘It just seems a bit silly to me,’ Noah said. Noah believes that the beloved cartoon The Snowman is a documentary.

Noah’s Dad Gary said, ‘Noah doesn’t like sad things, so we just told him that the Snowman hasn’t melted, he left his scarf for the boy and has gone off to have other adventures.’

Although Noah has a bit of a problem with the concept of Santa, Christmas’s other best-known old-age pensioner Cliff Richard holds no fear for Noah.

‘Honestly, I love Noah, but he is a bit odd. I tell you we expect to see Santa, but if Cliff Richard turned up in my living room singing Mistletoe and Wine I would have to ask him to leave, and no mistake’.

When can we watch the family film about the psycopath?

It is getting to deep winter, and we have to ask a few questions.

When can we watch the family film about the psychopath?

You know the one, where the young child sets booby traps in his home so that Joe Pesci and the tall gangly one can’t burgle his family home?

You know the one, where he smashes a full tin of paint into someone’s face and does unspeakable things with a heated iron?

The one involving a tarantula, and ice and nails in the basement?

Home Alone. You know the film, a family festive favourite with a deeper and darker side to it.

Kevin McCallister shouldn’t be left home alone. He should be locked up, young hooligan.

Book that no-one wanted a full price still not selling at half price in Black Friday sale

Walter the Fungus, an uplifting children’s book written by a former children’s television presenter which only sold 129 copies at £9.99 hasn’t sold any copies at £4.99 in the Black Friday Sale.

Walter is rejected by everyone, until he finds a collection of fungus, and is happy there. It is an uplifting tale of finding family, understanding, acceptance and love, and at the bargain price of £4.99, it is yet to sell just one more copy to take its total sales to 130.

The author, who your parents may remember has been working on the next two stories, a trilogy that follows Walter into adulthood, but sadly his publisher shows no signs of interest.

If only the author was more interesting, (and indeed, not fictional) he might well have been the next David Walliams.