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Planet Earth – 2065

The Pickleball craze worldwide is soaring to new heights in popularity with the ever-increasing number of earthly residents playing the game. It’s estimated that by 2066, Pickleball courts will surpass ten million. The game is played on every continent, including the Moon – for those with enough shekels for a Lunar Pickleball Getaway. The main attraction on Earth’s only satellite is the reduced gravity factor, which brings a whole new level of strategy to the game touted as ‘Our Global Pastime.’ Soup-Soup Sarisi, the undefeated, undisputed Grand Champion Gherkin of all things Pickleball, claims the sport has ushered in a new era of peace and prosperity that should last as long as the bouncing balls continue to fly over the nets. ‘Beating swords into Pickleball rackets’ has become a reality in our time.

Production and marketing of the hyper-technological advancements in equipment create millions of jobs in burgeoning sectors of the world economy; gherkinium paddles and low-density composite balls are the new bread and butter for the industry. Titanium-carbon paddles, quickly becoming obsolete, have gone the way of Aero Cars and caffeinated body art. After the discovery and subsequent mining of gherkinium on the dark side of Mars, seamless, aerodynamic gherk paddles are now de rigueur, with production breaking global manufacturing records for all sporting goods combined. In addition to the improved paddles, gherkinium joint replacement procedures ensure years of more Pickleball activity ahead for people getting up in age. For those with lower-extremity disabilities, ergonomic hover chairs powered by gherkinium ion batteries make it possible to join the fun.

Incredulous as it sounds, thousands of abandoned golf courses worldwide have been converted to upscale Pickleball facilities with lavish amenities catering to the Country Club Set. For the hoi polloi, free public courts are sprouting up seemingly on every corner in every town, conveniently located near a Starbuxx, a Dilly Mart, or next to a Pickle Barrel eatery.

For baby Gherkins – future Pickleball practitioners- there is Pickleball daycare, where soft, miniature paddles and balls are provided for every child – ‘Start ‘Em Young!’ being the mantra. As they grow and become pre-pubescent pickleball practitioners, hordes of pickleball-playing youngsters relish their time at Pickleball Day Camp and Sleepaway Camps, where, undoubtedly, they dream of playing in The Little Pickle World Series held in Williamsport, Pennsylvania, each summer. Pickleball scholarships to colleges and universities are widely available for older students who prove they can cut the mustard.

You may find this hard to believe, but not everyone is enamored with the meteoric rise of Pickleball. Some detractors go out of their way to make negative comments such as, ‘Hold the pickle,’ or ‘No pickle for me, please.’ A few even have the audacity to claim they are soured on all the deep-fried Pickleball nonsense and wish it would disappear into the briny depths. Some use saltier language, which I won’t repeat here to maintain decorum. Their grievances are far from kosher, and being a stark minority, these Pickleball naysayers represent a tiny cornichon bump in the well-maintained indoor and outdoor Pickleball venues.

There you have it. Who would have thought that a game that can trace its lineage back to the ping pong table, and whose humble beginnings were birthed in a backyard on an Island in the Pacific Northwest one hundred years ago, would become the instrument bringing us closer to world peace? It’s safe to say that Pickleball is here to stay. An overwhelming majority of Earth’s inhabitants have spoken and are over a barrel for the game. No matter how you slice or dice it, the phenomenon of Pickleball is a Big Dill.

ABOUT THE ARTIST

William P Adams lives near Seattle and writes short, twisted, caffeine-infused fiction in various genres. His work has appeared in 101 Words, CafeLit, Little Old Lady Comedy, Neither Fish Nor Foul, X-R-A-Y Magazine, and others.

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