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He Sadly Strops

By Reed Heustis

Commentary by Tark Mackintosh

‘He Sadly Strops’ One of the more celebrated poems from Professor Stout’s second Jabs & Donner volume I love Seamen, these lines were originally composed following the 1939 Greater California Seafarer’s Ball, an elaborate concept party thrown by the Vladrecks at their 300-room mansion in Bunker Hill to announce Billy Vladreck’s engagement to Santa Monica debutante Lambie MacGreggor. The two had met while sailing at the California Yacht Club, and Lambie was acquianted with Professor Stout from his (subsequently much maligned) Poetry Club For Girls. Billy’s father, Henderman Charles Bossman Vladreck III, was supervisor of the southwestern corridor of the Union Pacific Railroad.

worthy president Henderman Charles Bossman Vladreck III.

magic of his pencil The famous draughtsman’s pencil, with one stroke of which Henderman could make or break a man’s future. Henderson of course also had children by three of the family maids, but this was likely unknown to ‘Reed Heustis’, the sailing, jig-dancing, champagne-swigging alter-ego of Professor Stout. The magic of the pencil refers to a literal pencil. It may even have been an allusion to Henderman’s own tyro efforts at versemaking, more than a few stanzas of which had been published in the Los Angeles Herald, among which have survived ‘Chummy, Chummy Up’, ‘Spill Not Words of Virtue Upon My Young One’s Train’, ‘Long Long We Waited, Longer Still We Thought’, and ‘Sparkling Knobs of Fortune Ne’er Yet Twisted’. Magic they were not, yet it was the place of ‘Mister Heustis’ to eulogize, not critique.

escutcheon A flange, commonly found near sparkling knobs. The Vladrecks’ towering home, which stood at the top of 119 Hope Street in the brand-new Bunker Hill district, was said to have been replete with knobs.

dining cars Henderman would ride the Sacramento-Los Angeles line at least once a week in one of his sundry disguises, in an attempt to catch underlings in misbehavior or mischief. He was also reported to have been famous about a steak and glass of single-malt scotch.

fickle Fate Intentional poetic consonance. The repetition of the voiceless labiodental fricative gives living sound to scoffing Destiny. Dr. Markenbaldi of course replaced fickle with tickle on dubious textual grounds, which reading need not be followed.

shaves his mustache off The Greater California Seafarer’s Ball was an unmitigated disaster for the Vladreck family and their nearly 800 guests. Following a public drunken spat with his betrothed, Billy Vladreck retired to his rooms and, after sadly stropping, shaved off his majestic chevron moustache, his pride and joy.

gasped and shuddered Lambie stormed off, returning home in the MacGreggor family car. A dejected Billy rejoined the festivities, and ‘Mister Heustis’ records this reaction of the family and guests. Billy would travel to New York the following week, chasing Lambie, but would be unable to patch things up.

When he dived off the Brooklyn Bridge Billy Vladreck did not in fact throw himself off of the Brooklyn Bridge, though he threatened to do so in a telegram and was thought dead for most of a day. Junior returned to California and eventually married a daughter of a successful petroleum kingpin.

In other words, no one gives a rat’s ass — the Vladrecks lived and died as gods. ‘He Sadly Strops’ was published in the Herald in June 1939 as salve to the wounded pride of Henderman and son. Yet any discerning reader can clearly see that Professor Stout’s poetic genius could have stood and been lauded on its own merits. We are lucky to have been blessed with such a preposterously good poem.