MITCH MASHES MORE THAN JUST MOVIES
When myself and my movie dog @Todd go out, we often catch dinner and a movie. And when we are feeling exceptionally spunky we direct ourselves PAST the Taco Bell, park our bicycle-and-sidecar on Macy Street, and enter Paco’s Food and Wine, Dorris & Daughters, or the ever-exquisite Moxxi, three of Peoria’s finest Michelin-star dining experiences. Yet fine dining with a pet CAN be daunting for the inexperienced. Is there a dress code? Do you address the maître d’ as Donald, or is there a separate French term? Which fork are you supposed to use for the salad? Can you pick up the trout roe with your fingers? Is it okay to ask for a doggy bag if Amperstat doesn’t finish his fried shallots?
Today we will answer all these questions and more. Five minutes with Mitch and you’ll be striding into Moxxi with the confidence of a seasoned diner.
APPARREL FOR MEN AND DOGS: SEMI-FORMAL
When we were last thrown out of Moxxi it was not because @Todd’s Groucho Marx disguise slipped off, but because our prissy waiter had it in for the both of us. I was wearing my plaited brown corduroys with a chartreuse shirt, brown jacket, and pink tie. Our waiter immediately complained that my companion was not wearing any pants, and insisted that I put my dog into a pair of loaners, a truly disgusting set of clown legs that REEKED of garlic. Talk about taking your appetite away! We make these mistakes so that you do not have to, however. Make sure your puppy is panted and booted, and I guarantee you will have no trouble with Donald or his little minions.
DO THEY SPEAK ENGLISH
Paco speaks English with his adorable Spanish accent, at Moxxi’s they speak both French and English, and Dorris and her six daughters are cornfed Americans. Even if you do not possess the level of French that @Todd and I do, it will be entirely possible to communicate about reservations and seating, ask questions of the very capable servers, and order in English, even if the English is French.
One beef tartare, my man! Hear hear, a toast! Pour the burgun-day!
SERIOUSLY WHICH FORK SHOULD I USE TO EAT MY SALAD, THERE ARE TWO FORKS AND TWO SPOONS
The shorter fork is the salad fork. If there are three forks, you have been pranked, get out of there immediately!
WHAT IS A PIQUANT BOUDIN BLANC
This is properly speaking the understudy of the waiter, who has graduated from waiter school but not yet waited his or her own table. He shadows the veteran waiter and occasionally is permitted to serve ice water, but never to speak. Do not look at or attempt to communicate in any way with the piquant boudin blanc. It is considered one of the most serious faux pas that can be committed in a Michelin-star establishment.
IS IT TRUE THAT DORRIS AND DAUGHTERS ARE DANGEROUS
Dorris’s eldest daughter Dotty was put on trial for the alleged stabbing murder of a customer in 2016, but later released for lack of evidence when the four state witnesses vanished into thin air. Their Potato & Ricotta Pierogi is to die for.
Image generated on Magic Studio
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