The Gorko Gazette

Daily Humor

thegorkogazette

8.2.2025 7:00 AM

By the Time You Get Home by Kenneth Nichols

By the Time You Get Home

Half-life: the exponential decay of potency halved then halved, then halved, then halved into never infinity.

Uranium-235:
One pound will become half thorium in
703 million years.
That pound becomes four ounces in
1.6 billion years.

Caffeine:
Your 300mg 9 a.m. coffee is
150mg after lunch at 2.

McDonald’s fries:
Crispy and tender
Out of the fryer,
Salt orgy spreading over tongue,
Four at a time by greasy claw hand
Plunged into the fry carton
While still in the drive-through.
Shiny steering wheel for days,
But who cares when you can
Lick your saline digits
In the driveway:
Orgasmic bliss until you must
Go in and see your wife.
Still edible after 216 seconds.
Post-303 seconds:
Plywood crunchy cardboard
Congealed carbohydrates.

Little Caesars stuffed crust pizza:
Oven-fresh? Ambrosia of the gods.
Mozzarella leaks
Into the buttered crust that
Oozes into muenster-mozz
And drips
As the first slice leaves the pie,
Mouth-melting cheese lipid
Salivary gland overload and
Helps the Ilitches
Feed the Tigers and
Fuel the Red Wings.
Upon exposure to oxygen,
The crust stuffing’s
Enrockification can only
Be captured with a
High-speed camera.

Taco Bell anything:
Same seven ingredients swiftly
Served with a smile.
Seven-layer burrito fixings
Sealed and seared,
First fantastic bites so soft and smooth,
So supple off the grill.
First bite molten joy
Before fresh air makes contact–
Desiccated, aging, withered,
Wrinkled like Foreverware
Improperly sealed
So aging occurs in hyperdrive
Until you get home and the
Soft taco is now
Curled and twisted
Like a witch’s hand.