Do you dress daily in a three-piece suit with a fluttering white ascot, frock coat and cane? Do you also wear elegant gloves and carry snuff in a silver box? Do you frequently step around ragamuffins in the street, cursing them in Victorian English? Do you exude gentleness and sympathy, are you finely mannered, and do you ride a tall bicycle?
If your answer to any of these questions is no, then you may have to start calling yourself something other than a Victorian gentleman.
Do you ride out to shoot with your friends, coursing the quarry through your 475 wooded acres on a chestnut thoroughbred named Weatherspoon who won the Grand National steeplechase in 1869? Do you have 10,000 bound books in your personal library, attend theater on the weekends, and go everywhere in a horse and buggy you haven’t the faintest clue how to drive yourself?
If your answer to any of these questions is no, you are probably NOT a Victorian gentleman.
Did you write Middlemarch? Did you design the guest house at Mount Grace Priory in North Yorkshire? Do you wear a nightgown and nightcap to bed and sleep in a separate wing of the mansion than Mrs. Todd, formerly Miss Angelina Georgina Cooper-Coutts? Do you dress for dinner, meaning you have to put on an entirely different set of clothes just to sit down at the table, which is served to you on antique pink rose porcelain by a waitstaff of more than 30?
Because if you hesitate even a split second before saying yes to any of these questions, we hate to say it, but you are probably NOT a Victorian gentleman.
Gorko Retread: Originally published 1 January 2022
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