The Gorko Gazette

Daily Humor

thegorkogazette

6.30.2026 6:49 AM

Afternoon Plans and 1 more by Brad Rose

Afternoon Plans

This week, I’m building my vocabulary, so I’m careful not to say vocab. My outfit looks like the back of a crossword puzzle. Like gasoline-powered horses, sometimes I have difficulty adapting to post-modern life. Can’t help but wonder if I’d be more hirsute in my mohair suit, but thanks to my free-form dancing, I’m already pretty popular among the larger primates. Yesterday, after that mind reading incident on the esplanade, my face nearly fell off. I think I might need a new hobby. In the reality department, I’m happy to report that gravity is still a real downer, although it’s not yet entirely clear whether I left or I fled. We’ll have to wait until the results of the follow-up test are available. Hey, I see you’ve already met a couple of my animal friends. Some of them can really fool you, though, can’t they? Tell me, what do you guys have planned for this afternoon? Really? Yeah, I’d love to see those burn.

A Drop in the Bucket

After I ate two dozen blood-red Twizzlers, I couldn’t tell whether I was zhuzhing things up or taking them to the next level. Of course, you’re more likely to cry when chopping an onion with a dull knife than a sharp one, but who says I shouldn’t optimize myself by purchasing the best ratings that money can buy? I wonder what the animals think? Maybe they’ve suspended their disbelief? Like T. Rex, I have tiny arms. Mine don’t even reach half-way to the bank. So, I’ve decided to follow my miniature treasure map and look for the world’s tallest ant. Naturally, global exploration makes me a wee bit peckish, so I’d like to grab a bite to eat— maybe a finger sandwich or Pay Day candy bar; just as long as it doesn’t cost me an arm and a leg. Like all the great explorers before me, I’d rather inspire than expire. But enough of this idle persiflage. There’s no two ways about it: identical twins inevitably have different fingerprints, so they’re unlikely to drown in the same river twice. Especially when it’s only a drop in the bucket.

About the artist

Brad Rose was born and raised in Los Angeles and lives in Boston. He is the author of eight collections of poetry and flash fiction: Or Words to that Effect, I Wouldn’t Say That, Exactly, Lucky Animals, No. Wait. I Can Explain, Pink X-Ray, de/tonations, and Momentary Turbulence. Brad is also the author of seven poetry chapbooks, among them, Democracy of Secrets, An Evil Twin is Always in Good Company, and Funny You Should Ask. His website is www.bradrosepoetry.com.