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Crud Magazine Web Site

Welcome to the Crud Magazine website. Please feel free to sample our online archives of past issues, available for viewing for just $.99/minute. Take your time and get to know the real Crud and, if you feel inspired, please read the following submission guidelines, in their entirety and submit your own original, unpublished work.

Submission Guidelines

We accept submissions through our electronic submissions portal and although Crud Magazine is not a paying outlet, we are for profit, and so we change $15 for each submission.

Multiple Submissions: you may submit up to six documents in each genre, but you must make a separate submission for each document and consequently pay a separate fee each time. NOTE: for incarcerated persons only, we accept submissions via the United States Postal Service. An old man named Diego will ride his burro to your postal outlet and carry your submission cross country. The fee for this service is $45.

Submissions may be made in the following categories: General Submissions, Weekly Crud, Crud of the Week, 7-Day Crud, and Crud of the Month. An anthology will be published at year’s end, titled The Cruddiest Crud, and will be on sale in December for $175.

File forms: Manuscript must be typed, in one of the follwowing file forms: .doc, .docx, .pdf, Egyptian hieroglyphics, cuneiform or runes. Reading Fees: while Crud Magazine does not charge for the periodical (it is so rife with skanky advertisements that we can scarcely give the rag away) we do charge a reading fee of $15 per submission. Please Note: The reading fee and the submission fee are separate, individual liabilities.These fees go toward supporting our lavish lifestyles, casual drug use and purchase of high — end beverages. Rest assured your money is not being wasted. Crud Magazine needs this money; otherwise, we’d all have to get jobs.

Formatting Your Manuscript: All manuscripts must be in 3-point Times New Roman font, with at least three — inch margins and randomly — numbered pages. Fiction and non-fiction should be triple-spaced. Poetry should be typed in invisible ink. The author’s name, address, phone number, email address, Social Security Number, passwords and bank transaction codes should be typed at the top of each page. Contributors are asked to include the private telephone number of each buxom, well-traveled female of their acquaintance.

Simultaneous submissions and response times: Simultaneous submissions are NOT allowed. In fact, we probably won’t publish your story/poem anyway, even should it be a singular, unique and exclusive submission. Response times vary from 18 — 26 months. DO NOT contact after that time, no matter what! We mean it!

Reading Period: Crud Magazine’s reading period is 1am to 3am, Saturday, September 31, 2024. Submissions received outside this reading period will be smeared with dogshit and set afire. This means you!

Word Count Guidelines: Prose

Short Short Story — Manuscripts must be no more than 1 word. Please check your work with our archives, as we do not accept duplicate publications or reprints

Short Story — At least 2 and no more than 10,000 words.

Crud Drabble (Cruddle) — Must be precisely 100 1/2 words.

Word Count Guidelines: Poetry

Crud Poetry submissions may be either Awdl Gywydd or Byr a Thoddaid Poems and should be written in the traditional Welsh. Your submissions should give a strong sense of style and range; remember: Crud is the word.

One-Act Plays, Screenplays, Podcasts, etc.:

We don’t screw around with any of this shit, so don’t send it or it will be returned unread, and with a letter bomb attached.

CLICK HERE TO SUBMIT

About the artist

Bill Tope is a retired caseworker, construction laborer, Hilton Hotel line cook and one-time nude model for university art classes. He lives in the American Midwest with his mean little cat Baby.