Mitch’s Movie Mash: MOVIE CRITIQUE DELITE
TweetOne of the great benefits of being a famous movie reviewer is that you don’t have to go to the movies! The movies come to you. Let’s see what this week’s mailbag has brought little Todd, because Todd is ALWAYS hangry for movies! I’M YOUR WO-MAN SPOILER ALERT At a loss for how to spend […]
Upcoming Movie: ‘Lighthouse Museum’
The terrifying new film takes the familiar milieu of the abandoned lighthouse with one crazy person inside and turns it completely on its head.
Book Excerpt: ‘She Rode in on a Horse Named Cleveland’ by Mitch Grey
TweetThe 245th book in the Horse Named Cleveland series, none published. We found this latest unpublished manuscript in the creative studio of our movie reviewer, Mitchell Kennedy, while he was on the pot. He has been writing westerns for several weeks now, sending out queries under the name of Mitch Grey. CHAPTER 1: A STEAMY […]
Max Max: Furious Roads to a waste of a Buy-1-Get-1-Free Coupon
Tweet The latest installment of the Max Max franchise, coming as it does on the heels of Sylvester Stallone’s Terminator: System Reboot and just before the much-anticipated dinosaur movie (I doubt I even need to mention the name) is only the second take that we’ve seen on this post-apocalyptic genre, the first being Max Max: […]
Upcoming Movie: ‘Assault on Cell Block Number Nine or Was It Nineteen’
TweetWriter-director and lead actor Donny Dumanavich might have spent a millisecond more pondering the confusing and unnecessary title of his latest action blockbuster, Assault on Cell Block Number Nine or Was It Nineteen, because the movie clearly details the deadly assault in January 2006 by prisoners on San Quentin Cell Block 9 (Nine). There is […]
Book Excerpt: ‘Fifty Shades of Mitch’ by Mitch Kenn
TweetSIIIIIIIGH. This is what we found in Mitchell’s creative studio this morning. CHAPTER 1 Ricardo is my roommate, and he has chosen today to succum (sic) to the measles. Therefore, the four-course dinner I was planning to prepare and serve him dressed in my special maid outfit will have to be wait for another day. […]
Mitchell’s MASH THAT FLICK™
Tweet Hi and welcome to Mitchell’s MASH THAT FLICK, in which I Mitchell Kennedy literally destroy a movie. Today I will destroy a newish movie out of Lithuania, of all places! The name: Fresh From Prison and I don’t know who translated it but Karolis reassures me that it is something more like FLESH (with […]
IF WE COULD JUST GET THESE PEOPLE RUNNING FOR THEIR LIVES WE COULD MAKE OUR OWN GODZILLA MOVIE
TweetIf you like to ‘people watch’ as much as I do you will probably have noticed how people never scurry and scream while they stream through downtown Los Angeles, they just slump and jostle along like zombies. Well we’re not making a zombie movie, are we? What we need is something to make them run […]
Upcoming Movie: ‘Flick of the Monogrammed Wipe’
The world of competitive badminton comes to life in this brightly-coloured biopic of star shuttlecockman Ramandeep Babu
Children’s book excerpt: ‘GAFFE THE GIRAFFE’ by Dr. Mitchell M. Seuss
TweetOur film reviewer Mitchell Kennedy has apparently decided to branch out into the field of children’s literature, perhaps pursuing in a tangential way his dream to become one of those six-foot singing, dancing, talking stuffed animals on children’s TV programming, a Barney. Yesterday when he was in the bathroom for one of his twenty-five-minute sessions […]
Upcoming Movie: ‘Michelob Has Fallen’
TweetSince your uncle Toby insists on only drinking lite beer and because it was his barbecue and all you had to do was just go across the lawn in your shorts with some sweet corn, well, sure let’s drink a Michelob, but your hand was not accustomed to such a light lite beer and that […]
Mitch’s Movie Mash: Wherefore art thou Birdman?
Tweet NOTA BENE!!! Not to be confused with the 1962 Frankenheimer classic, Birdman of Alcatraz. We don’t meet the title character of Alejandro González Iñárritu’s 2014 Birdman until around the fortieth minute, when he is pictured striding along West 49th, near M&M’s World, deep in conversation with the protagonist Michael Keaton, his best friend and […]
Movie Preview: ‘The Man From Cincinnati’
Gulliver S. Gulliver’s lost 1936 screenplay is dusted off, then gussied up by an Ohioan filmmaker.
BOOK EXCERPT: ‘TEARS ON THE MOON’ BY MITCHELL DARKWING
TweetDarkwing is the literary pseudonym of our resident (he lives in my basement) movie reviewer Mitchell Kennedy, and that of his dog Amperstat Todd, whom he insists on calling Darkwing Dog while he is writing. He is the author of zero novels, no plays, and a collection of short stories with one very short and […]
6 Mistakes You’re Making When You Watch ‘Star Trek III: The Search For Spock’
Tweet1) You are not letting the actors speak their lines Even if you know every word of the script by heart, many people don’t realize that by speaking over the actors they are cheating themselves and others of the work of an incredibly accomplished group of artists whose art is more important than you impressing […]
Upcoming Movie: ‘Potato’
TweetFestival press has been quick to condemn Ruben Andreyev’s ambitious 3-hour single-take film of a potato, Potato, for being slow, melodramatic, and starchy beyond limits even contemplated by the director of The Turin Horse. But critics’ main beef has been with the medium. ‘Why in this digital age, when you can obtain better results from […]
Mitch’s Movie Mash: ‘Jurassic World War’ takes a pass on premillennialist escatology
TweetIf you have read the book Jurassic World War you will know that in the last chapter the entire conflict between dinosaurs and man is essentially rendered irrelevant by the second coming of Christ, the booger. The near-fatal curiosity of the human race in its life-and-death struggle with the swift and predatory nature of the […]
BOOK EXCERPT: ‘PRINCESS LEATHERHELM’ BY MITCHELL DARKWING
TweetCHAPTER I “Princess Leatherhelm!” cried the gnome Jerrod, and he held out a small parcel wrapped in rough brown paper tied with a string. “Gnome Jerrod,” smiled the Princess, halting her steed Megalus with a thrust of her flashing stirrups. “I shall under no circumstances accept gifts from you. Nay, for you must save your […]
Mitch’s Movie Mash: Far From the Madd(en)ing Critics
TweetAbout halfway through this summer’s astonishing Far From the Madding (sic) Crowd, the director’s cut prequel to Disney’s Babe, Tom Hardy stands up, dusts off his overall pants and declares, ‘Frankly, my dear, you are an exaggeration!’ and my one thought was that Tom (if I may call you Tom) has finally been able to […]
Mitch’s Movie Mash: Shades of ‘Bridges of Madison County’ Genius
TweetWhen Mother first told me about 50 Shades of Grey I thought I would never get past page 69 (ha-ha), but you’ll be surprised what a week with the in-laws will do to you. It’s the kind of book that mother always reads — although Jane Austin is both cheaper and better in terms of […]
Upcoming Movie: ‘Titanic Disaster’
TweetTitanic Disaster is a true-to-life literal minute-by-minute retelling of the epic tragedy of the RMS Titanic, the 1912 cruise liner that sank in the North Atlantic after striking an iceberg, an event that resulted in more than 1,500 deaths. Director Prisha Patel told The Gorko that she wanted to give viewers something completely different and […]
Upcoming Movie: ‘The Fog of Dr. Parchisi’
TweetThe latest entry in the Dr. Parchisi canon, and we recommend this one. The good Doctor Parchisi, played again by the artist known as Tom, yes, with his authentically fiendish moustachios and strong scent of something between port wine and pistachios, finds himself unable to control his sudden urges for the damsel in the neighboring […]
GORKO AT THE MOVIES
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