This Gorkoglyph, discovered beneath an interstate overpass in 1999, seems to describe the chaos that reigned that year, as millions awaited their doom in the form of Y2K. The gorko dreamboat pictured in glyph 1 is the classic bunker hoarder, a highly attractive person who has filled an airtight underground shelter with canned and freeze-dried foods, water, medicine, and light reading material for 100 years. White waiting for the apocalypse, the gorko dreams of sunny excursions on the now hazardous upper crust of Peoria. The dream turns to nightmare in glyph 3, as the nation’s beloved full-contact sport, football, is forgotten or replaced in the emergency and ensuing bloodshed and zombie eclipse by rugby, ya dumbass wienerdog.
The sheltering gorko awakes to find that life continues as normal on 1 January 2000.
Photo by Jessica Johnston on Unsplash
Depending on the pronoun of our source, either Maud or Harold is set to be the last man or woman in Illinois. They both turn 85 in October.