This just in from our beat reporter, Pummel Dawn:
Toby is sitting in his armchair, watching TV.
Alicia is eating macaroni and cheese with a lovely book.
Fred and Bambie are not speaking. He is in the shed and she is in the basement looking for the wire cutters.
Professor Palpitron is about to complete his atomic thruster, with which he plans to remove Earth from its current orbit and just take us on a little ride.
The neighbors are practicing on their unicycles.
Your mom is putting peaches into the Jello.
You are sitting on the can with this newspaper and a fat cigar.
Check in next week for more Breaking News.