NEW BOARD GAME A HIT!

by George Coufos

COVID v. Cancel (AKA: No LIFE)

Just when you thought things couldn’t get any better, along comes the COVID-19-Cancel Culture board game!

It’s surely a sign of the times since it would make no sense at any other point in history. COVID v. Cancel i.e. No Life is a new board game modeled after Extreme LIFE, in which players move around a board landing on various recreational activities, life events, and random encounters. They are then required to name the reason why each cannot happen — typically it’s either COVID-19 or the other formidable current day theme of Cancel Culture.

Players are awarded points based on their question’s level of difficulty or the importance of the non-event. Bonus points are available for landing on “DreamTime” squares which give the player a chance to take a nap and select from a menu of “Nice Dreams” that include a “Caribbean Getaway Vacation, Play QB for your favorite NFL team, Participate in an Orgy or “Police your town”. Should they choose that last option, the player gets to patrol his/her/their town center and yell at pedestrians not wearing masks or otherwise for somehow appearing to enjoy life in any way.

Points are used to pretend shop on Amazon, pretend watch Netflix movies or online porn, etc. Each player is encouraged to keep a diary of his/her/their activities that they can quietly reflect on them in the future.

Adding to the drama, unlucky players might land on squares or draw cards that declare they are suffering from various maladies like heart disease, fatty liver, depression or a variety of other debilitating conditions. The more serious the illness, the more turns are lost.

This game has all the typical components we’ve come to expect from a board game, the only exception being there is no winner. It seems we need to accept that as another sign of the times.

Reached by phone for comment, Wolf Jokovic, Comms Director for Milton Bradley Co. told us; “We didn’t feel it would be appropriate to have winners in this game. Aside from the obvious, just think how disrespectful it would be to the players who don’t win? Did you think about that?!!”