The Theme of the Week is Fingernails Down A Chalkboard

Every week our Theme Expert, Teddy, goes into detail on a new theme. This week’s theme is Fingernails Down A Chalkboard.

Many poets like to have people’s attention all of the time, but short of carrying a wine glass and salad fork around with you everywhere, how can it be gotten?

One absolutely surefire way to get people’s attention so that you can rap at them is to scratch at a chalkboard with your fingernails, which produces a hideous screech that will stop just about anyone in their tracks.

SIZE DOESN’T MATTER

Though under other circumstances size definitely matters, when we are talking about chalkboards you can throw size right out the window. You do not need a floor-to-ceiling chalboard to get people’s attention. In fact, The Gorko recommends investing in a small, purse or wallet-sized chalkboard that you can easily transport into different caf├ęs and parks.

SHOULD YOU WORRY ABOUT BREAKING A NAIL?

Many poets feel concerned about the safety of drawing their fingernails down a chalkboard, but never worry, living Shakespeares, to get the desired sound it is enough to draw your nails lightly across the face of the chalkboard. No need to get Jurassic Park on its *ss.

I DREW MY FINGERNAILS DOWN MY CHALKBOARD AND GOT RUN OUT OF LUIGI’S SUPPERCLUB, WHAT DID I DO WRONG?

Some people just don’t like poetry. Be sure to take an accurate and detailed survey of your audience before you scrape your Fingernails Down A Chalkboard.

Join Teddy every week as he goes stalking the internet in search of new Themes.

Photo by Esperanza Doronila on Unsplash