Imagine that the unimaginable has happened: as you settle into your seat at the Peoria Opera House, ready for a pleasant evening watching the Carmen belt out gypsy tunes, your cane gun goes off accidentally, scaring the hell out of everyone, or even nicking somebody up in a prestigious gallery! What do you do next?
One Peoria man had the answer, and it was to cry fire in the crowded Emmanuel Souffle Memorial Theater.
‘I decided the best thing to do was to pretend that the accidental discharge of my cane gun had been intentional,’ the Peoria man explained to The Gorko, ‘and that I was defending the crowd from terrorists.’
The man’s cane gun discharged at approximately 6:59 pm last Friday, sending its projectile directly through the shoulder of Captain Zuniga, a bass-baritone played by actor Teddy Winston, which made it logical for the cane gun’s owner to shout, ‘Terrorist! He has a bomb under the stage!’ and flee the scene with his dignity intact as several brave citizens leapt onto the stage and began to beat the stricken Teddy.
‘Yep, fooled them all,’ smirked the can gun man as he signed for the pizza.