Tourists in Riverfront, Peoria, the snazzy destination for high-rollers and people who plan to propose to their partners in public, have been acting extremely badly this year, drinking too much, shouting, making catcalls to women, and vomiting on public property. There have even been reports of fights breaking out among tourists, or started by these out-of-control out-of-towners, fires being lit, cars overturned, windows of local businesses smashed, and consumption of Chinese food on the go.
These are not local people, fine upstanding law-abiding citizens, but a plague of outsiders. Although not affiliated to any known organization such as Hell’s Angels and generally driving modern sedans, not Harleys, this year’s tourists are striking terror into the hearts and minds of the peaceloving Peorians.
Stay at home. Bolt the door. If possible, if there is still time, board up the windows. And consider making a call to the Peoria Chamber of Commerce to register your complaint about people not from our peaceful little village.
Out, tourists! We don’t need you.
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