According to sources, professor of linguistics, four-time Dorothy Weals Award winner, and confirmed asshole Don Markenbaldi has finally tripped over the hammers we strewed across his driveway, and fallen hard onto the raked gravel walk.
Yes, there is blood and grunting, but reportedly the dauntless Don has already made his way inside the house, so the extent of his injuries could not be confirmed.
We recently purchased 35 roofing hammers, you know, the heavy-duty kind with the straight claw, and strewed them across the 20th century literature know-it-all’s home driveway while he was away at work. Returning home last night the man and villain drove right over the hammers and into his garage, and was not seen leaving the house again until this morning, when he drove over them again without noticing.
Upon returning from his light duties at the university, however, the Don found his garage door opener supposedly sabotoged.
The famed Don was heard to exclaim, ‘Oof!’ as he flew towards the sharp gravel, stumbling over the pile of hammers.
Our sources are sound. The news is confirmed. Ladies and gentlemen, the Poet Laureate of Kingston, Missouri, and our most feared rival Don Markenbaldi has fallen.
Foto de Michael Oeser en Unsplash
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