The Gorko Gazette

Here we are at the half-way point of 2026! Six months of flickering cinematic pleasure, laughter, and horror behind us, or under the kilt if you will! Observe as none other than me, Gorko Entertainment Editor Mitchell Kennedy, sticks a fork in those months of moviegoing madness with my annual LET’S JUMP THE TOP GUN – my (Mitch’s) top movie picks of the year, only halfway through the year!

POINTS ARE TOTALLED FROM MY HIGHLY OBJECTIVE MASH THAT FLICK!® SCORESHEET, THAT INCLUDES BUT MAY NOT BE LIMITED TO: POPULARITY, GROSS IN USD, FUNNY MOMENTS THAT MADE ME PEE MY PANTS, SCARY MOMENTS THAT MADE ME SHRIEK AND THEN GASP, TAIL WAG TOTAL FROM MY MOVIE PUP @TODD, AND POPCORN MOVES (TOTALLY ENTRANCED DIPS OF THE HAND INTO THE BUTTERED POPCORN BUCKET).

2026 SCORES RANGED FROM 30.2 TO 101+!!! A PERFECT SCORE IS 100.

10. WUTHERING HEIGHTS: HOT DOG HEATHCLIFF

The 2026 version of Heathcliff hot dogs all over the wuthering shelf of Catherine Earnshaw’s Margot Robbie, or am I wrong @Todd? I love the part when he jokes about the large knockers on the front door of the Earnshaw windswept Yorkshire farmhouse. This movie is fine if you enjoy watching people.

@Todd: Woof? 10.2
Mitchell Pro Movie Critic: Woof woof! 20.0
TOTAL SCORE: 30.2/100

9. Avatar: Fire and Peel

The conflict on Pandora escalates as Jake and Neytiri, now top chefs, take on the axis of vegans on the all-vegan cooking show that is threatening to take over Pandora live streaming TV. Todd and I settled in with a pair of chili dogs and large Cokes to watch our favorite blue people work their magic in the kitchen. Will they ultimately eliminate veganism from the planet and free their people, or be forced to submit to some kind of uneasy truce that will all but ensure a sequel?

@Todd: 12.0 (doesn’t like bell pepper in his chili)
Mitchell Pro Movie Critic: 29.0
TOTAL SCORE: 41/100

8. Project Pater Noster

When mild-mannered Gorko therapist and life doctor Lemon Reilly wakes up on a foreign planet he automatically assumes he is in Tokyo, and sets about aggressively coercing the locals into teaching him what he thinks is Japanese. Transported back to Earth amidst a climactic climate crisis (say that ten times fast, @Todd!), he ends up being the only person on the home planet capable of communicating with the strangers from the sky. Can Lemon Reilly save the day, despite being a New Age doofus?

@Todd: 42.6
Mitchell Pro Movie Critic: 6.0
TOTAL SCORE: 48.6/100

7. Masters of Uranus

The latest installment in the ‘anal space trilogy’ pits Rob Uranus, following his Sword of Power, against his old nemesis Skeleturanus. Rob must choose between his old movie star persona and a life of absolute ease or embracing his destiny as He-Manus in order to fulfill the ancient prophassy.

@Todd: 10.0
Mitchell Pro Movie Critic: 45.0
TOTAL SCORE: 55/100

6. 28 Thousand Years Later

The feature-length animated story of dead matter, spinning in space. 28 thousand years after the original film, 28 Days Later, the Earth is a barren planet. Daring of director Bary Casanueve to push the viewers’ incredulity and disgust to an epic 3 plus hours.

@Todd: 56.0 (Mitchell lent @Todd 6 of his points)
Mitchell Pro Movie Critic: 0.0
TOTAL SCORE: 56/100

5. JACKASS: THE GREAT JOURNEY

Jack the Jackass attempts to cross the Hee-Haw Mountains in order to save his bird friend Poppy Jill. In this movie both Jack and Jill go up the hill. Will they fall down and break their crowns, or make it home safe and sound?

@Todd: 33.0
Mitchell Pro Movie Critic: 33.0
TOTAL SCORE: 66/100

4. TOP GUN: VAN DAMME

Maverick’s brother Kurt, after Maverick is tragically paralyzed during a dogfight with bogies, decides to go on a mystic quest in search of the last kung fu master. While flying and fighting his way across the entire world in an attempt to get to China, he discovers that the kung fu master is in fact searching for him. This is a movie for the entire family.

@Todd: 32.1
Mitchell Pro Movie Critic: 45.0
TOTAL SCORE: 77.1/100

3. The Devil Wears Nada

The top grossing Korean film for 2026 to date, The Devil Wears Nada focuses on the relationship between fashion entrepreneur Kim Yung-Li and her dowdy daughter Meryl Streep-Park. One wonders if the roles might not have been reversed, in a parallel universe into which this movie reviewer were privileged to peek?

@Todd: 43.8
Mitchell Pro Movie Critic: 43.7
TOTAL SCORE: 87.5/100

2. They Will Kilt You

Starring a state-of-the-art AI Roddy Piper, meticulously crafted by Scotland’s own Kilt Pudding Magick, this movie brings the iconic muscleman back as a fish-out-of-water kilt-wearing Scotsman who is forced after losing his yacht to apply for a temporary job as a housekeeper at a luxurious Manhattan highrise. When he arrives, however, he discovers there is no one there to fight but the disillusionment of having lost a yacht.

@Todd: 48.0
Mitchell Pro Movie Critic: 49.0
TOTAL SCORE: 97/100

1. Hamnet

The powerful and chagrined story of William Shakespeare and his wife Morpheus getting a new movie puppy and calling it not Hamlet, after the Bard’s most celebrated masterpiece, but Hamnet, after a strange Matrixesque portal that opened up in London right in the middle of the play’s prestigious premier, sucking the famous couple and their new dog and a bunch of mismatched theater people into a vortex of lycra suits, kung fu, spooning, and terribly difficult decisions (blue label or red label canned dog food). Don’t bluecan yourself, jump down the rabbit hole and check this one out today. 2026’s number one pick!

@Todd: 50+
Mitchell Pro Movie Critic: 51+
TOTAL SCORE: 101+

ABOUT MITCHELL KENNEDY

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