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by thegorkogazette

GOING TOE TO TOE WITH STEPHEN KING? THIS MAN NOT ONLY WROTE A SCARY BOOK, HIS FACE IS HIDEOUSLY DEFORMED

LUCKY DUCKY

A Peoria literary agent thinks his newest client may be a contender to become the next Stephen King: not only did the young author, Fars Slopes, just finish writing a 900-page horror novel that is genuinely scary, he also looks like he got smacked in the face repeatedly with a hot iron.

‘In matter of fact, the budding author suffers from a rare form of face paralysis that puts him in excellent company in the horror writers community,’ said smug little Jeeps Malone, Mr. Slopes’ agent. ‘In fact we are hoping for some photo ops with Mr. King at the next Horrorcon.’ Mr. King has not replied to any of Jeeps’ phone calls or emails.

DOES THE WORLD NEED ANOTHER UGLY WRITER?

Jeeps Malone went on local ABC 15 to explain that another truly ugly writer is exactly what the horror community and readers have been needing. ‘People have had enough of the prettyboy writers like Gaiman and Koontz. It is time for a paradigm shift in that department, and I believe we have found our man.’

WHAT DOES SLOPES’ MOTHER HAVE TO SAY?

Fars Slopes, a pseudonym made up by Jeeps Malone, was unavailable for comment, as was his mother, ‘Ironwing Hilary’ Botkins.

Foto de Tycho Atsma en Unsplash

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