IT IS 2023. DO YOU KNOW WHERE ELVIS IS?

It is January 27th of the new year, 2023. Do you know where Elvis is?

IS ELVIS ON THE CAN?

Is Elvis using the bathroom as we speak in his trailer in Reno, Nevada? No, claims Elvis Lives Foundation chairperson Brenda Boldgoother, Elvis does not currently live in Reno. She told Gorko reporters that ELF has already searched Reno and the Foundation is ‘99% satisfied that Elvis is not living in a trailer in the Reno area.’

IS ELVIS THE POPE?

What was behind the suspicious and unprecented resignation of Pope Benedict XVI in 2013? Was it in fact a frank admission that the King of Rock ‘n’ Roll should occupy the place of God’s representative on Earth? Is Pope Francis in fact Elvis in disguise? Brenda Boldgoother claims that this is a very real possibility. ‘The Elvis Lives Foundation has of course investigated the possibility that Elvis is now the Pope, and there is no reason to think Francis could not have been a rock ‘n’ roller in a past life, so to speak,’ she said.

IS ELVIS ON A FLYING SAUCER HURTLING THROUGH INTERGALACTIC SPACE?

Could the sad truth of the matter be that Elvis is in fact light years away from Graceland, hurtling through intergalactic space aboard a flying saucer, headed for a concert on Gorgon 3X-255579? The ELF representative admitted that while she hated to think that Elvis was no longer with us, the possibility that extraterrestrials kidnapped Elvis the Pelvis on August 16th 1977 and are forcing him to perform in their intergalactic auditoriums is very real indeed.

Stay home. Stay safe. Stay strong. We are all in this together.

Photo by JR Harris on Unsplash