RACIST: THIS SHETLAND PONY WAS REFUSED ENTRANCE TO LOCAL CLUB FOR APPEARING UNDERAGED

A local four-year-old was denied entrance to Peoria nightclub Jinx Me for appearing underaged, despite presenting her Illinois Equestrian Licence that proved her age. The bouncers may or may not have known that she was a Shetland Pony, and exactly 21 years old in human years.

‘I was shocked by their ignorance,’ the Shetland Pony told The Gorko, while signing for oats and alfalfa, ‘to discriminate against me based on my breed.’

The Shetland Pony breed comes originally from Shetland Isles in the north of Scotland. The small horses (technically ponies) are short with thick legs, long manes, and coats of brown, grey, or other color. They can live as long as 40 years, or to the age of 210 in human years.

The local Shetland has filed a complaint with the owners of the Jinx Me, who declined to comment for this article.

‘It bothers me,’ the Shetland told The Gorko, ‘but I will probably outlive the mother f&$#@s by 130 human years, so f#$@ em.’