Bianca Del Rio Gives a Masterclass in Front of a Dumpster Fire
A drag queen who can’t successfully
complete a “meet and greet” is
A PIECE OF UNGRATEFUL SHIT!
If I see another “PROFESSIONAL”
DRAG QUEEN with DIRTY LACE and NO EARRINGS…
I love it when the ZIPPER
is working HARDER than
the DRAG QUEEN WEARING IT!
Have you washed your
makeup brushes today?
Washing your face helps.
I’m having trouble just figuring out YOUR FACE.
You really have no idea how any of this works……
You should go NATURAL!
Just like ME!
XANAX makes me PLEASANT.
You should try the DRUGS!
LEARN, MY CHILD. LEARN.
I’m doing a concert at PRIMARK!
I think we can all agree….
WE DO NOT NEED ANOTHER COVER
OF SANTA BABY……
Do your American pop culture research.
So, have y’all seen any good MEMES lately?
I wanna see them!
Laganja Estranja Discovers a New Color When the Chronic Hits
Lighten up and smoke a blunt.
The cannabis community deserves/needs this visibility!!”
If it ain’t green, I ain’t interested!!
I love a nice Sativa dab in the morning
before I head to hot yoga!!
I find this not only helps to relax me
but also strengthens my focus in class.
This is TALENT.
Thank you for noticing my hard work!!
I’m just so grateful you consider me a celebrity
but also, so sorry about that,
I am annoying I know.
You all want the show to be dramatic,
and then when someone provides that-
you hate on them!!
Cry me a river, whore!
Never forget, you are FIERCE
no matter what the judges
in your life say.
Keep being you,
and everything else will fall in place!!
Say it louder!! Yes GAWDDDD!!
I’ll never forget this night!!
I told y’all we were going to get sickening…
Willam Belli In the Universe Where She Got the Villain Edit
I am nasty at times.
Thank God we have Twitter so
u can remind the 1,101 people
that care what u think.
Tag me, bitch.
Didn’t you all learn nothing from 2018?
That was when Karens were fun.
Your memory has failed u.
Fight me. I ain’t wrong.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Stop trying to diminish someone’s accomplishments.
Why not just enjoy us for what we are?
Speaking of “not a good look:”
your whole fucking page, tbh.
The cringe on your Twitter takes on ageism re: Sarandon,
transphobia, hating on Lin-Manuel Miranda.
I don’t care to have you in my orbit.
Ride, Sally Ride almost off the planet …
You rotten, rotted man.
Wifi + opinions = podcast.
U should get one.
That was so fun.
Now all’s I need is a VCR.
Lemme get some of those Cheetos too.
Also need someone to do a 3D scan of my face.
Due to the sickening nature of COVID,
this is a wrap on the holiday tour.
You can’t erase me but keep trying.
Be back soon, I hope.
Photo by Jesús Boscán on Unsplash
ABOUT THE POET
Alex Carrigan (he/him; @carriganak) is an editor, poet, and critic from Virginia. His debut poetry chapbook, May All Our Pain Be Champagne: A Collection of Real Housewives Twitter Poetry (Alien Buddha Press, 2022), was longlisted for Perennial Press’ 2022 Chapbook Awards. He has had fiction, poetry, and literary reviews published in Quail Bell Magazine, Lambda Literary Review, Barrelhouse, Sage Cigarettes (Best of the Net Nominee, 2023), ‘Stories About Penises’ (Guts Publishing, 2019), and more.