SHOCKING NEW STATISTICS REVEAL THAT MORE PEORIA-AREA HOME INVASION VICTIMS IN 2023 WERE IN FACT HOISTED BY THEIR OWN FIZZING, SPURTING, FLAMING PETARD THAN WERE ABLE TO USE THE PETARD TO SUCCESSFULLY DEFEND THEMSELVES
A recent report by the Gorko Special Investigative Committee on things that are hung has revealed that Peoria victims of home invasion have overwhelmingly not been capable of successfully defending themselves from intruders with their own petards. Instead in 96% of all reported cases the home owner has themselves been bodily hoisted on their petards.
WHAT IS A PETARD
A petard is a rocket, which begs the question: what exactly is going on in Peoria? How did these people get snagged on their own rockets? And how were they hoping to defend themselves quickly in the dead of night with their petard by hoisting an assailant on it? Are these hand-held petards, or what?
DON’T YOU MEAN HANGED BY THEIR OWN PETARD
Many readers have objected vehemently to the participial formation hung by petard, insisting that hung is for things (like paintings and horses) and hanged for people, the correct form being: hanged by the neck until dead. A person can, however, be hung without being murdered. Also, hoisted is in fact the original expression, found originally in Hamlet Act 3 Scene iv, that simply denotes being lifted, as in shot off one’s feet by a petard.
Be careful out there, folks: the mere fact that you have and are willing to use your own petard by no means precludes you being ignominiously hoisted on it.
Image generated on Stable Diffusion 2- 1
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