BY BRUCE REISNER
My feet are both perfectly proportioned, high arched and beautiful. At least for now, they are poetry in motion as I tip toe on the shag rug, hugging myself and giggling. But I heard something frightening on the news. There appears to be an epidemic of lethal toenail fungus.
What this will look like, how it will smell, and how long it will take people to die from it is unclear at this time, but the news people sounded mighty serious. Your next pedicure could be your last.
Don’t let strangers borrow your shoes. Don’t shower at the gym. Your homeless friends who live in their car will have to shower elsewhere. They won’t be using my shower no matter how badly they stink. I did not evade service in the Vietnam War so I could die 50 years later of civilian toe nail disease.
While our toenails are still relatively safe there are things we can do to protect ourselves. If you can fit a covid mask over your face you can fit one over each of your feet. No more shrimp jobs. Disassociate with foot fetishists. This, for me, is no problem at all as I found them to be miserable friends who steal my Florsheims.
Maybe lethal toenail fungus is a good thing. Less foot perverts.
WHO IS BRUCE REISNER?
Bruce Reisner is an artist/writer living in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. His poems, short fiction and visual art have been seen in Pittsburgh Post Gazette, Sledgehammer Magazine, Readthisplease (an anthology) and the Ranfurly Review.
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